deFENESTRATER

expanding on a couple popular concepts

2006-08-14T08:51:00.000-04:00

This film reminded me of the time I walked into the 7th Avenue Key Food and promptly collided with a twenty something female wearing a T-shirt that said:

"men should think with their brains"

I guess she was beyond caring that our entire species would be extinct if she got her wish. I was a little excited by the whole thing.

one face, three years

2006-08-14T08:40:00.000-04:00

This short film is really cool...look for a blond wig. I like the music too.

Marshmellenium

2006-08-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not the first procreater to wonder about the world into which I'm bringing new life. Sometime I worry about what the next 75 years will have in store for our little Hortence and Reginald.

Post-9/11 you have to ask whether New York City is the smartest place to raise a family. Some say it is only a matter of time before the religious lunatics burn the place down. While I'm not the sort to fret about cataclysmic changes, I like to be prepared. Since we're not moving to Hawaii any time soon, I seriously think about having a well-stocked second home in the country

.
I'm not the only one. Sales of country homes in upstate New York took off after 9/11 and have remained relatively strong. Many of the buyers are a cross-section of liberal New Yorkers who apparently decided that those "survivalist" dudes weren't totally off the mark after all. Run away and hide!

Luckily you can tell they aren't extremists by the Volvo station wagon they drive to the local Food Co-op. Come to think of it, if that is all that's left of humanity after the big one goes off, I'll just keep a bag of marshmellows in my desk.

Abs of Steel, Heart of Gold

2006-08-08T07:07:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all for the happy birthday and baby wishes.

We found out last week that Arabella may be pregnant with twins. The ultrasound image certainly looks that way, but confirmation will be made by listening for two heartbeats. The doctors are going to listen for them on Thursday of this week. As a male masculine man, I am ecstatic about the prospect of having twins. 2 for 1! Bonus baby!

My wife seemed a little less thrilled. She has described it as being "terrified." To me it looked like a case of catatonia complete with the blank stare and repetitive rocking movements. But hey she'll be fine! I'll help with the laundry, honey! Move along, nothing to see here.

It turns out that Arabella is very enamored of her flat tummy (I like it, too). She showed me a website with photos of womens' abdomens after having twins. It looks like some did very well and others got stretched a bit, but none -- I mean not one -- looked remotely as bad as Star Jones. There isn't much I can say to make Arabella feel better about the esthetic risks of pregnancy except that I will love her whatever happens. And whatever she wants to do about it -- including nothing -- is fine with me.

I have my own issues. I have appointed myself Chief, Infrastructure and Systems. My job description is to create a fixed and functional infrastructure that will make possible the efficient feeding, changing, laundering, and playtime activities of newborn infant(s). A goal will be to allow at least 5 minutes per day of "grow up person time" or as some people call it "sleep." I know, I know...fat chance.

Once must lead by example. I will start with "my office." Because it is next to our bedroom it will become "the nursery." It has a big metal file cabinet, a tall overstuffed book shelf, two desktop computers and two printers. There are many wires and cables. That means a lot of books and office stuff headed to the basement for storage which means constructing an enclosed storage area in the basement. This enclosed area will just happen to have enough room for a barcalounger and mini-fridge.

I like to imagine that a thousand years ago, somewhere in Europe, my male ancestor was busy gathering brush and sharpening his flint cutlery in preparation of the arrival of his first born. I hope he wasn't as nearsighted as me 'cause I don't think they had eye glasses yet.

Super Freak

2006-06-15T08:02:00.000-04:00

Wow...down to a monthly post. Pretty lame. Hopefully I can turn things around now that life has calmed and I am settling in to summer mode. I love summer. It seems like a return to the carefree apsects of childhood without losing your hard-won adult privileges, like being able to stay up past 9 o' clock.

Yesterday was Flag Day, and my Third Wedding Anniversay. Thanks Arabella! Marriage has been fantastic and has gotten progressively better. My wife and I relate very well and rarely fight. Now. But during the first year we had some conflicts while we worked out the details. There was one loud fight a few months after we got married where I threw the remote control and she threw a glass on the floor and it shattered. It was great. I was always a little emotionally guarded so I semi-intentionally heated things up to prove we both had permission to freak out a little bit if necessary and then make up. Afterward we made up. We always do.

If it takes a little yelling once in a while to make sure you get problems aired out, that is much better than bottling up anger and resentment for years until your spouse begins to "work late" at the Motel 6 to get even.

And for all you guys out there who are wondering...yeah, I was able to fix the remote. I know...it was huge relief.

It Was Like A Dream Come True...

2006-05-15T08:01:00.000-04:00

Now more than ever, the world needs to be governed by the most intelligent, learned, and ethical people. Aggressively pointing out the endless errors of the lesser mortals who make things and manage our affairs it a great service to humanity. Yet it is not enough. We need to turn over the reigns of government and business to reporters and editors. We beg of you, please repair all that has gone wrong.

Who among the most brilliant should assume direct control of our collective futures? In the world of journalism, most can agree that the BBC is super brilliant. But can we be certain that BBC should rule the world rather than CNN, or some combination of Harper's and The New York Review of Books? Well, let us take this opportunity to revel in the brilliance of the BBC as it analyzes an important legal decision concerning a dispute between a global business enterprise, Apple, and the business arm of one the world's most successful commercial artistic groups, The Beatles.

For the video, please click on the link in the article.

I Heart Arabella

2006-05-03T11:56:00.000-04:00

Arabella had elective surgery today, a laparoscopy to explore her reproductive system and possibly correct problems they might find. Thankfully the surgery went well and she is home resting comfortably. She should be back to normal within a week. They found some moderate issues but nothing too serious. The doctor said she will be able to conceive and that is great news.

Knowing she was going to have surgery has been pretty stressful. If we were on one of her favorite shows -- 'Dr. 90210' -- before the surgery I would have said, "Arabella is having a laparoscopy today and I'm pretty nervous about the surgery." After the surgery, I would have said that "I'm glad the surgery went well and I think Arabella will feel better knowing that we can have children. I'm really happy." Here I will say, "I'm glad Arabella's home so she can watch The Golden Girls and eat Brooklyn Blackout Cake."

I was not enthusiastic about Arabella having this surgery. I like to let nature take its course. I am a very lucky man to have a wife so brave that she would have an operation just to see what is going on down in Cooterville. Arabella gets my loving vote for The Best Wife in the Universe, Ever.

I, Wine Collector

2006-04-25T07:16:00.000-04:00

One way you know life is going well is when you have sufficient resources to buy a refrigerator, not to preserve life-sustaining food, but to store wine. This past weekend we brought home a 32-bottle wine refrigerator. I wanted to maintain my reputation for being value-conscious by buying a Kenmore, but what clinched my choice was the fact that it received a best rating in a 2005 Consumer Reports review. We even went to Sears and brought it home ourselves to save the $80 delivery fee. I am a humble oenophile of the people.

From time to time I will be able to purchase a bottle of fine red wine, at a cost of $25 to $75, and put it aside for a special occasion knowing it will not be damaged by seasonal changes in temperature. I can also chill bottles of sparkling or white wine and save room in our primary refrigerator.

I have always wanted a hobby. Since I am a contemporary American adult, that usually means doing some research about a class of things you can buy, and then buying those things on a regular basis. The shopping and the buying is fulfilling in and of itself, of course. But it is the research that provides both the patina of hobbihood, and something to talk about with friends and family besides your job, your kids, or your dreary politics. Depending on what you choose as your hobby, and how and how often you choose to discuss it, they might actually be a little thankful.

I am now officially a "wine collector". How I love the sound of that. In pursuing my hobby I will continue my subscription to Wine Spectator magazine so I can get tips on great bottles of wine. Most importantly, I will go wine shopping on weekends, while on vacation, while casually strolling the streets of Manhattan on my lunch hour. The "challenge" will be to remember the names and attributes of the wines I purchase so I can tell people about them at social events. If they are fortunate, and if they politely listen when I talk about wine, I may invite them over to taste some of the wine. If they don't drink, or utter words suggesting that they consider an intellectual interest in a fermented grape beverage to be pretentious, I will instead tell them a very long and detailed story about my job and then perhaps segway into a exegesis about Congress, the Constitution, and the institutional aspects of pork barrel spending. This might inspire to them to taste several large glasses of Barolo or Cotes du Rhone and like it very much.

Where Have the Heroes Gone?

2006-04-17T08:35:00.000-04:00

Remember all talk of "heroes" on television and in newspapers after September 11, 2001? Using the word "hero" was no problem when there were only victims who could not fight back against the terrorists. So along with firefighters who climbed the stairs of the towers to their deaths, people who did nothing more than go to work that day were labelled "heroes." Today there is a plaque on the fence around the World Trade Center site that refers to all the people killed that day as "heroes." That plaque tells us why America is at risk of losing to the terrorists: because a large portion of our society lacks not only the will, but also a sense of valor, needed to win.

Since late 2001, many men and women who wear the uniform of the U.S. Armed Forces have been heroes. These are people who did even more than give their lives or suffer injuries doing their duty (and those service people deserve far more gratitiude and recognition than they have received). I am referring to heroes -- service people who showed valor and courage in battle. This type of heroism has been all but ignored by contemporary society because of the politics of the absurd people who program television "news" shows and print newspapers. And, I believe, because our society today devalues manly virtues of physical bravery and courage in favor of those traditionally associated with women. It is shameful that we do not proudly and widely recognize the bravery of these soldiers and sailors. Here is one:

Navy is awarding the Silver Star to only the third corpsman in the past four years. The recipient is a San Angelo native who, while injured and bleeding, treated and dragged three wounded Marines out of a fierce firefight in Iraq. The medal will be pinned to the uniform of Petty Officer 2nd Class Juan M. Rubio, 32, during a ceremony later this month in Corpus Christi, where he now works in the much-quieter confines of the base’s family clinic.

“I couldn’t have done the things I did without knowing that the Marines had my back, giving me security,” Rubio said in a phone interview. “I owe everything to those guys.”

The Silver Star is the nation’s third-highest medal for valor in combat. During his seven years in the military, Rubio has treated victims of a terrorist attack in this country and victims of a war halfway around the world.

Working at the naval hospital in Bethesda, Md., he aided those injured in the 9-11 Pentagon attack. He then served on the USS Comfort hospital ship, which was sent to New York after the World Trade Center attacks.

He then volunteered to become a corpsman with the Marines, who don’t have medics of their own. Rubio served with the 1st Battalion, 2nd Marines during the invasion of Iraq in 2003. Afterward, he became the corpsman for 4th Platoon, Small Craft Company, which performed reconnaissance work for the 1st Marine Division.
He returned to Iraq in 2004. On Jan. 1, 2005, Rubio’s platoon was ambushed on the Euphrates River. The Marines left their boats and pursued the attackers, only to have an explosive set off nearby.
Rubio and three Marines were wounded. Despite having shrapnel wounds in his legs and arms, Rubio belly-crawled to the injured Marines and treated their injuries. He then dragged each of them across open terrain, under fire, to safety behind a wall. He showed the uninjured Marines how to care for the wounded troops and then began directing covering fire while he helped take the wounded back to the boats.
“Your actions saved lives and you have set an example for future corpsmen and Marines to emulate,” wrote Maj. Gen. R.F. Natonski, who wrote a letter endorsing the medal. “Your service is coveted by each and every Marine in the 1st Marine Division.”

One Marine died that day, Lance Cpl. Brian Parrello. Rubio believes Parrello saved his life. “He took a big chunk of artillery,” Rubio said. “He absorbed 90 percent of the explosion for me. I owe my life to
him.”

Easter Eggs

2006-04-16T08:11:00.000-04:00

This is the place where I write things and then my internet connection or Blogger screws up and it all goes "bye bye." It happened last week (honest!) when I was about 98% finished with a post. I could not be bothered to recreate it since it really wasn't much of anything anyway. Here is an overview with a few updates:

1. I cannot stand the news right now. Are they serious? Does anyone have any courage or decency? If people were more honest they would simply say that they are tired of conflict and want to go on a "happy thoughts" vacation.
2. I don't think Iran's mullah's will be taking time off to golf, shop, and watch romantic comedies. Maybe we could turn them on to QVC.
3. Saddam's Iraq and the mullah's Iran were big enemies. They fought a huge bloody war, if I recall. We recently knocked off Saddam and his Sunni dictatorship. Since Iraq is mostly Shiite -- just like Iran -- all of our efforts in Iraq could turn into a really good thing for...Iran, sworn enemy of the Great Satan since 1979. But only if we let Iran run amok because we were just too tired to deal.
4. Since I can't solve any of these problems, we went shopping. We bought a dining table and ten chairs. It is hand-crafted solid cherry wood. We also bought a new Tiffany lamp to hang over it. It is a scalloped design, no fruit or flaura.
5. Soon we'll have people over for dinner and wine.
6. Speaking of wine, I ordered a wine refrigerator to keep 30 bottles at the right temperture and humidity. No sense buying a nice bottle of wine and then having it simmer during the hot summer.
7. Today is Easter and I should feel hopeful, optimistic, and renewed. I feel pretty good right now despite all the things I can't control. At least I can sort of control what goes on within the four walls of our house...and I am fortunate to have a wonderful wife and family.
8. Today my wife will dress up for Easter and will look very pretty.

Saturday Night Jive

2006-04-08T23:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, I have to blog something or I may never, ever blog again. Sometimes it seems so stupid to be rambling away here. I blab to human beings in real places -- not frickin' virtual space -- all the time. This seems more than a little superfluous since virtually no one reads any of this. Elsewhere I have scads of adoring people hanging on my every word...who get paid to do so.

Another great thing about communicating face to face is, I can tell if the other person understands English. A lot of the people who happen upon this site are from countries where people speak something other than English. (Can you imagine that ?!) Is it because of the French name? I don't even know if they understand what I write. Maybe if I went outside and burned a few cars and then came back and blogged about it, I'd get even more French readers. I wish we had Citroens in American. Damn.

I drop a lot foreign place names here because I think it makes me seem more cultured and interesting. I know other tricks to seem smart and superior. Hell, I live in New York. Here's one and I won't even make you pay for it the hard way: If someone I don't like talks about something I don't know anything about, I look them very hard in the eye and keep a very serious face, and then when they are getting to the end of their know-it-all blather, I slightly disengage and then say condescendingly, "It's really a lot more complicated than that..." If I have to leave any way, I use this as an opportunity to then say something like, "Unfortunately I don't really have time to go into it right now because I have attend a lecture at the Asian Society and then go to my sculpture class."

It is now my policy to assume that ever single male actor in Hollywood is homosexual. All evidence to the contrary will be ignored or, at least, seriously discounted. And all Hollywood marriages are a sham. Honest, I don't care what they do in their private lives (much), but the point is that I don't care for lying as a public relations strategy. Nor do I care for liars and frauds telling people what to do or not do, and who to vote for or not vote for, with a tone of moral superiority. I felt some vindication when Rosie O'Donnell came out as a lesbian and gave up all that talk about being so *hot* for Tom Cruise. With all the closeted gay male actors in Hollywood, I think it was great for Cruise's career that Rosie selected him as the object of her phony Hollywood actor crush.

Normal learning is totally irrelevant to success as an actor in Hollywood. Most people don't really understand this, and the entertainment news industry certainly won't tell you, but most actors never went to college for very long, and if they did they didn't bother to learn anything of substance. They didn't have time to study -- they had to spend all of their time and energy auditioning and having sex with producers and Jack Nicholson. Whenever you see a beautiful actor or actress who is now a star, be assured that that person performed sex acts on old, unattractive people as part of their way up the ladder. If the star is male, the old unattractive person was a man. If the star was female, the old unattractive person was a man who likes women.

Your Invitation: The Robey Center for Environmental Justice

2006-03-24T06:41:00.000-05:00

Your are cordially invited to the ground breaking ceremony for the future Robey Center for Environmental Justice. The nationwide enthusiasm about The Robey -- from Berkeley to Hollywood; Manhattan to East Hampton -- has been phenomenal. We hope you will join us and also consider becoming a member of this vanguard Green Community, already known to many simply as, "The Robey."

What is The Robey?

The Robey is a green community dedicated to defending Mother Earth ("ME") in a struggle against greed, destruction, and development ("G-DAD"). The G-DAD matrix was formed by a patriarchy obsessed with violent conquest, gay bashing, and the exploitation of ME's natural resources. By now we all know the stirring tale of how one man -- Robey -- singlehandedly (with his trusty sidekick) saved the Pacific Coastline from powerful G-DAD interests, as told in his best selling memoir Robey: How One Man Singlehandedly (with his Trusty Sidekick) Saved the Pacific Coastline" and the Oscar-nominated motion picture, Robey, et cetera. Each and every day the G-DAD interests continue to plot the destruction of our precious Pacific Coastline -- Robey can't fight them alone.

The Robey is a place where the vanguard of the green community can learn, organize, dine, and heal their spirit and body in an atmosphere that facilitates the protection of ME. Fittingly, The Robey will be constructed in a manner sensitive to its surroundings and native wildlife -- and upon perhaps the single most beautiful location with towering views of the Pacific coastline. The Robey will be situated on verdant hills gently sloping down to towering cliffs and will provide its members with a setting that not only preserves the natural beauty, but allows them to access their green consciousness in an unspoiled ecosystem free from the noisy and unpleasant intrusions of our grasping post-industrial society.

Our members will enjoy this view from the LaRaza
pavilion's Spa and Yoga Center for Holistic Health

The Robey's 18,500 square-foot facility will contain the 400-seat Cesar Chavez Theater, 48 conference suites each having its own water-conserving bathroom with jacuzzi tub, the Miles Davis Cool Environmental Future Library, Gourmet Kitchen and Banquet facilities for up to 1,000, the Museum of Fresh Air and Sunshine For All, The French Dry Cleaners Restaurant featuring organic produce grown on our own Willie Brown Organic Farm and Education Center, the solar-powered California State Embryonic Research Laboratory, and "The Terrarium Suite" of executive quarters located on the top floor. The parking garage will have 25 Green Spaces featuring plug-in capability conveniently located exclusively for our Preferred Members who drive hybrid or electric vehicles.

The Robey wishes to express our deepest appreciation to the Lopez family for donating 32 acres of prime ocean front property. We also take this opportunity to thank the California State Attorney General, the California State Revenue Department, and the United States Internal Revenue Service, for not only actively facilitating the donation, but for truly inspiring the spirit of giving within the heart of Mr. Alberto Lopez who commented, "I never dreamed I would just give away the land that my great-great grandfather staked-out before this was even a state, but when the authorities audited my old returns and found I somehow owed $14 million in penalties and interest, they said I was looking at hard time. Thankfully, the government quickly suggested that everything would be forgiven if I donated all our land to that.......Robey."

In appreciation, The LaRaza pavilion will contain the Lopez Spa and Yoga Center for Holistic Health. It will feature a wide array of fitness facilities and spa treatment amenities emphasizing traditional health practices of the mestizo peoples of the so-called Southwestern United States and Mexico. The Spa's Juice Bar will house the permanent collection of photos and artifacts donated by the Lopez family --themselves Chicanos. Our staff is already hard at work formulating the Lopez Commemorativo Margarita that will contain only organic, free-range agave worm tequila.

Farewell, ancient beacons. Farewell, noble guideposts.
Great Spirit, guide our struggle to protect Mother Earth.

After six generations of native Chicano stewardship, the land contains many examples of noble California Live Oaks. Sadly, we are not able to keep each and every one of these fine trees in their present location. For those trees that are "removed", the Robey will recycle them into wood chips to be used as mulch in our organic gardens. Before removal, a Native American ceremony will be conducted to ask the Great Spirit for forgiveness and blessing of this sacrifice in honor of ME. Robey, who is part Cherokee and enormously proud of his heritage, will participate.

Electrified razorwire fencing system is the first in a
series of advanced security technologies being
employed by The Robey to prevent attacks by
mining, logging, and oil companies.

Because The Robey poses a powerful threat to G-DAD interests, we prepare for violent attacks by their agents. These cunning mercenaries often disguise themselves as homeless persons seeking food or shelter, or working families seeking a view of the ocean or a place to park their camper. We cannot put the green cause and our beautiful Pacific Coastline at risk by such an infiltration. The Robey will employ a state-of-the art security system and a series of fortifications. Be assured, members pursuing a greener world while staying at the Robey, will not be disturbed by reactionaries, Christian fundamentalists, or other toxic persons.

The Robey invites you to join us and become a member of our green community. For information, please contact: Sotheby's International Realty, N. Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210 (310) 275-8686, or Sotheby's International Realty, 9665 Wilshire Blvd, Beverly Hills, CA 90212 (310) 724-7000.

I Can See Clearly Now

2006-03-21T09:02:00.000-05:00

When I was thirty years old and between jobs, I spent a month traveling around Costa Rica. Mostly I went from place to place on the same old buses used by average Costa Ricans. The bus was usually packed and you might have to stand in the aisle while you bounced past miles of lush forests and coffee fields. The tourists rented little white Suzuki SUVs, so usually I was the only Anglo on board. One night, on a dusty road, I boarded a packed bus for the two-hour ride to a village on the coast. As we drove off, I felt my way down the aisle in the dark looking for a seat until I reached the one empty spot on the bench at the very back.

When I sat down I was startled when the silhouette on my right spoke to me in the voice of a young American woman. We began a halting, polite conversation over the engine noise. She was from Southern California and was traveling around Costa Rica after taking some Spanish classes. She told me her name, Mallory. She eventually mentioned a former husband. I told her about my travels. How back in New York it was January. About dumping my meager possessions in a new apartment and promptly leaving the country. That until very recently I had been in a relationship.

Before long, as we sat in the dark surrounded by shadows who couldn't understand us, our conversation became remarkably personal. Mallory's voice was soft and strong, her thoughts intelligent and beautiful. Despite all the failings and insecurities I brought with me on this trip, that night I had that rare exchange: entirely genuine; one that assumes we embrace life because it is full of trouble and pain as much as because it is full of love and laughter.

I learned that we would be staying in the same village, pressed up against the warm and salty Pacific Ocean. Mallory told me where she was staying and we agreed to get together the next day. It was about this time that my excitement about meeting such a woman on this grungy bus began to manifest. Despite my efforts to get a look at my new friend, however, I was unable to discern anything more than the dark silhouette of a slender woman of regular height. But that didn't matter very much by now. I was sure that a woman who said the things she said, and said them in the way she did, had to be very beautiful.

When we entered the village my heart was racing from adrenaline. I was not only excited about seeing Mallory, I was just as nervous about her seeing me. I was kicking myself for putting on a few pounds while feeling sorry for myself in the weeks before the trip.

The bus stopped and we waited for our turn to exit and retrieve our luggage from below. Mallory was directly behind me as we walked down the aisle and stepped down off the bus. Trying to appear calm, I took a few steps and then turned to her. I was overwhelmed. She was indeed beautiful, classically beautiful, timelessly beautiful. And, although you had to look closely in the light to tell, dear Mallory was old enough to be my mother -- fifty two, I later learned.

Over the next few days, Mallory and I shared hours of pleasure. But since it wasn't a movie, none of it was sexual. We talked and swam and had tropical fruit drinks. Even in the light of day she sounded like someone twenty years younger -- a really wise and wonderful someone. It is impossible to say how old she looked. In nearly every way she could have been 30-something, but there were those subtle signs of a woman's maturity -- at the neck, elbows, and hands -- that told you she was past 40.

The notion that I had experienced "love at first talk" with a woman more than twenty years older than me was a little confusing. Yet my strong feelings for her as a woman did not end when I learned her real age. I would pleasantly roll these thoughts around in my head while we were together, but I left it at that. Mallory was much more than a lovely, youthful 52-year old. She was living proof that not only can you be vital and contemporary in your thoughts and actions as you age, you can be all that while displaying the dignity and wisdom that come with experience. Darkness helped me to see clearly what my eyes might have overlooked in the light of day.

Inspired by the March 20 post on Thought Concoction.

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Sell

2006-03-20T09:12:00.000-05:00

On Friday I was talking to a colleague who was about to leave for France. He was considering potential sidetrips from Paris and I mentioned WWI battle sites in northeastern France. In the summer of 2000, I visited some of the WWI sites, and while doing so, I also read an excellent history of WWI. At the time I was pretty well informed on the subject. But during this conversation, I could not recall the name of one battle site other than the Ardenne forest, and I was confused whether that was in WWI, WWII, or both. Only now, as I write this, has the name of one place I visited --Verdun -- come back to me.

Afterward, I felt disappointed. How I could forget basic details from a trip less than six years ago? Was all the expense and effort a waste of time? I realized that I forgot all of that information because I never used it. I learned it alone, went to the sites alone, and apart from a few conversations immediately after my return, I haven't shared what I learned with anyone. I can see how blogging can be a way to actively use and share the things that you learn about -- if you make the time to write to write -- and thus a way to remember what you learn.

This is a challenge because I also realized that work uses up so much of my brain function that it crowds out other things that I want to learn and remember. Sure, I might have the time and energy to read about the Bloomsbury Group and absorb its contents into my long-term memory but, for me at least, if the information lays fallow it tends to blow away like so much dust. Meanwhile, my job requires learning a lot of fairly complicated new information on a regular basis and recalling it accurately. If a person is doing a lot of stuffing and active retrieval of information at work, inevitably all that information will tend to overwhelm the things learned reading on the couch or a museum plaque.

Contrast that with a job that is intellectually challenging, but does not require exercising the capacity of your long-term memory. A good example would be one of those traders on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange screaming buy and sell orders. An intense and challenging job, for sure. But when the bell rings at 4:30, the trader goes home. He doesn't have to remember much of anything new. He comes back and plays the same tough game the next day -- and every day. If a trader wants to go home and memorize The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, at least his job probably won't interfere.

It turns out that I have hired out a big part of my mental capacity for pay. The exercise at the office may keep the grey matter pretty fit, but my mind is not my own and that is sort of scary. So is the fact that people don't really discuss this issue. Maybe I'm not as bright as some people who do the sort of work I do, and so I have to push my brain at work while short changing my private intellectual life. Whatever the reason, I am still thinking about opening that cheese shop or wine bar. But I'd still have to remember the names and styles of all that wine and cheese. Mmmmm.

Life Is Just A Fantasy, Do You Want To Live This Fantasy Life?

2006-03-17T09:04:00.000-05:00

If you happen to live on this street I sincerely hope you are enjoying the experience. Beverly Hills, (that is. Swimming Pools. Movie Stars) looks like a pretty good place to live, at least compared to my hometown: Detroit (Junk Yards. Polluted Snow). With its vast collection of violent, insecure men with lowish IQs and drinking problems, Detroit in the 1970s and early '80s had a gritty reality decidely lacking in 90210. Last week we went to Rodeo drive and ducked into Ralph Lauren's place to get out of the rain (yes, the rain). We looked around at the $500 scarves, $9,000 chairs, and $40,000 beds and wondered where we had gone wrong. I acted real nonchalant when the tall guy with the goatee told us these prices. Amazingly the people working at RL were very nice to us and the guy with the goatee admitted that he couldn't afford the stuff he was selling. Maybe he grew up in Detroit, too. I didn't ask.

It's not a Rolls or Mercedes, but last week I fulfilled a youthful dream of cruising Southern California in a sexy convertible with a hot babe (my loving wife). Admittedly, it is a shallow Hollywood-induced dream originating, I believe, with the movie '10'. But when you are a pimply teenager living in BleakNorthernIndustrialTown-on-the-Skids the notion that a bumbling little English dude gets to have sex (consensual!) with Bo Derek because he is rich and drives cool cars has a huge impact on the randy teenage psyche. I want to take this opportunity to thank Ms. Derek for her contribution to American Cinema and for her role as a significant content provider to the internal life of one lonely, depressed American teenage boy.

Devoted accolyte surveys the future site of the
Robey Center for Environmental Justice.

There are some things that even Hollywood -- and its vast collection of people who do everything they can to separate themselves from the likes of you and me so they can get into movies where they will play people just like you and me -- cannot touch. And one thing about me that they cannot touch is my deeply held belief that it is all up to me -- and my devoted sidekick -- to stop that big greedy corporation from destroying the pristine natural beauty of the Pacific Coast by personally confronting the one man who controls everything, and who embodies all that is bad and scary in our world, until very near the end of the story, a room full of people will finally recognize my struggle and my victory -- as well as that of my wounded inner child stuck back in Detroit -- by standing up, looking at me adoringly, and applauding loudly for an extended period of time.
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Sadly, by then my trusty sidekick will have been killed in a mudslide caused by the evil corporation's redwood clearing operations, the very same operations that I, heroically, would later stop, but not until just after my trusty sidekick has died in my arms. Oh how I will miss that quirky bastard with the perfectly straight, very white teeth! And the subtle highlights in his not-quite-perfectly-coiffed hair. Always will he be remembered, but the Center for Enviromental Justice will be named after me.

Fresh, Wild, and Sideways

2006-03-16T08:21:00.000-05:00

Surrounding some of the vineyards in northern Santa Barbara County are fields of what looks and smells like wild rosemary.

It covers entire hillsides. I wanted to cut a bunch and bring it home to cultivate and add to pork loin, chicken, and lamb. Instead I rubbed a little on my fingers and nose and then went to taste more delicious Syrahs, Pinot Noirs, and Viogniers.

Triple Triple Animal

2006-03-13T08:39:00.000-05:00

I am back from covering the Oscars. I had not been to California since 1989 -- a few weeks prior to the last big San Francisco earthquake. This time out it poured rain and snowed in the hills above us, but we also had a few days of glorious sunshine that allowed us put the top down on our red Mustang convertible as we drove along the huge and turbulent Pacific.

All in all it was a very successful trip. For some reason, however, we were unable to get into the Oscar ceremony, so we instead we went to the In and Out Burger on Hollywood Boulevard near the Kodak Theater. Loved the Double Double but the fries were terrible. Later in the week we saw Capote at a movie theater located in a mall outside Pismo Beach. I was not at all surprised that the film -- in stark contrast to Capote's book In Cold Blood -- did not bother to tell us much of anything about the family that was murdered, but spent oodles of time telling us all about three-named murderer Perry Edward Smith. Few people would bother to expect that a Hollywood movie would tell them about such people. Not only were they red-state Republicans, they were already dead. Double boring! If we couldn't get to see PhilipSeymourHoffman as the amazing Truman Capote interact with them on film, what good were they? Needless Clutters!

In sum, the book is very good and the film is not very good -- even if PSH utters the line "Bergdorf's" with total conviction. Oh, and Capote drank heavily long before he went to Kansas and had his heart broken by PerryEdwardSmith.

1st Annual Oscar Issue

2006-03-03T17:18:00.000-05:00

Well folks this is my first opportunity to be totally mainstream by participating in one of those Inescapable Annual Media And Cultural Rituals Of American Life (IAMACROAL): Oscar predictions!
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First, The Movies That I Did Not See That Have Nominations:
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1. Syriana
2. Brokeback Mountain
3. Capote
4. Crash
5. Good Night and Good Luck
6. Walk The Line
7. The Constant Gardener
8. Hustle and Flow
9. Munich
10. King Kong
11. Pride & Prejudice
12. Herbie: Fully Loaded

Seeing these movies interests me about as much as having a prostate exam. Sure, I might rent a DVD of Capote or Herbie: Fully Loaded but that's because I really like imitations of skinny gay Southern writers who drink and real skinny Long Island slutty chicks who drink. What I'd really prefer is to somehow combine the two films into one big orgy of Hollywood idiocy.
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PhilipSeymourHoffman is totally due for an Oscar. What I like about him is that, like me, he has three names. Of course only those of us who don't know him actually call him 'PhilipSeymourHoffman.' That is his SAG name so it has to be used in the credits of his films and all public apperances because there was already a guy in SAG whose name was Phil Hoffman, and some other guy in SAG whose name was Philip Hoffman. His friends call him Jerry.

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The media tends to use three names with assassins and serial killers of prominence, probably because they merely repeat what's in the police report and then it sticks. Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy, John Wilkes Booth, Mark David Chapman, Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan. The exception was Ted Bundy, who was such a handsome, charming sociopath that even the reporters developed a sort of affection for him and so used his familiar name in their reports. And now so do we. As, no doubt, did his victims -- while they could still talk.
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But I digress from my favorite subject: The Oscars!! The new Pride & Prejudice is the third or fourth version of a movie based on the novel written about 200 years ago. What exactly is the point of awarding it anything other than best re-re-re-made movie of the year? The fact that I really like P&P the book, and at least one of the earlier films, does not make me like this new version. The lovely soccer star Kiera Knightly might help, but she is way too pretty for the part. Wait, are any these people even nominated? Honestly, I have no idea.
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And now my picks for the most popular categories based on my well-developed love of "The Cinema":

Best Film -- Who cares? Save the Palestinians!
Best Director -- What? Don't you know there are people dying?
Best Actor -- Whatever! I hear Brando is gambling for free in Indian casino heaven
Best Actress -- Slut - where is your Katrina ribbon?
Best Supporting Actress -- A woman who loves a man who loves men is sooo hot!
Best Supporting Actor -- A man who loves afflicted Palestinians is even hotter!

College basketball's "March Madness" is also happening somewhere out there, but we'll get to that another day...
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Taking Care of Business...Everyday

2006-03-02T09:06:00.000-05:00

An essential in any marriage are the brief communiques concerning matters of "the business of marriage." This is the "Do you want to have dinner with the McCloskeys on Saturday" or the "Is it ok if I go golfing with Jerry this weekend?" or the "Did you remember to pay the electric bill?" sort of thing. These communiques often are issued while brushing your teeth or grabbing your coat on the way out in the morning. I am learning that these are the moments that can make or break a marriage. It is when you are taking care of "business" that you can be subtly abusive or guilt-provoking or subtly loving and reassuring. These are the moments that largely determine whether you make your spouse more happy or less happy on a daily basis. Behind the banality is a hidden sublimity that couples ignore at their peril.

My wife and I have a simple way of acknowledging the importance of these moments in our marriage. In precisely the same matter of fact way that we would issue a marital business communique, we instead say something like, "We're going to stay together forever, right?" and the other persons says, "Oh, yeah, absolutely" and then adds something like, "And we'll take nice trips to Spain and have delicious sex in an amber colored room with a slowly rotating ceiling fan, if that's ok with you" and the other person says, "Yeah, I like the sound of that -- can we have a nice dinner afterwards?" and the others person says, "Sure...maybe lamb with couscous." We then have quick kiss and proceed with our day reminded that the troubling ephemera floating through our lives does not mean much of anything because we love each other, we're not going anywhere, and that's not going to change no matter what.

Yeah, Like That Was Gonna Happen

2006-02-27T22:10:00.000-05:00

I have been interested in politics and world affairs since I was a little boy. I remember watching the Nixon impeachment hearings when I was 7 years old. Judge Sirica had a really big head. I watched 'Wall Street Week with Louis Rukeyser' on Friday nights with my parents and remember when the Dow was around 600 in 1974. Today the Dow is a little over 11,000 despite Terrorism, Global Warming, and Kevin Federline.

Yet, I don't want give the impression that I have been a good predictor of electoral success or in any way proficient at insinuating myself into The Shiningesque halls of power. By way of example, let me tell about the only two presidential campaign events that I have attended:

Mike's supporters were also a barrel of laughs.

This is a photo of Gov. Mike Dukakis taken in Autumn 1987 before anyone outside of Massachusetts had heard of him. Mike had the backing of the Kennedys and could raise a lot of money from the Greek-American community. That's what he was doing the day I met him at a Hyatt in Michigan. Dukakis got the nomination despite being short, humorless, and having eyebrows bigger than Belgium, a country that gave its name to a variety of endive that Mike proposed American farmers plant to avoid losing their farms and committing suicide. Mike's wife Kitty was that rare woman: the Jewish alcoholic daughter of a symphony conductor. Result: American Roadkill, then professor at Florida Atlantic University.

This has got to be worth thousands today

This is the campaign button I was given at a presidential campaign event held in a Greek Orthodox Church hall in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Paul Tsongas was from Massachusetts, a state from which Democratic animals small and large venture out onto the America highway to be run over by SUVs and pickup trucks. Tsongas had the backing of the Kennedys and was able to raise a lot of money from the Greek-American community. Sound familiar? At this event, which was almost entirely Greek-New Yorkers, the candidate could baredly get a word in during his speech because it was repeatedly interrupted by the cheer, "Tsongas Now!, Tsongas is The Best" pronounced as "Chongus Noow!, Chongus ees da Best!" It was fascinating, but by then I had begun to learn that candidates like Chongus should stay off the road. Result: Run over by Bubba, now deceased.

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

2006-02-23T04:28:00.000-05:00

I can't get back to sleep and so, at 4:28 am, here I am. Was it: (A) the mixing the wine with the beer? (B) the complicated, yet stupid, argument I must have with an adversary tomorrow? (C) the elbow to the head I took from my sleeping beloved? (D) All of the above?

Correct Answer is: B -- stupid conflict.

I never had problems sleeping until I began to have arguments for a living. I can't possibly justify caring so much about work that I cannot get it out of my head in the middle of the night. I know that, due to childhood experiences, I am deeply troubled by conflict of any sort. Part of me is desperate to avoid it. Another part of me not only wants conflict, but total victory. That means I am desperate to avoid losing. Are you living when you give up the fight? Maybe living well means achieving victory from something other than a fight.

Maybe I'm Doogie friggin' Howser.

Get Back Loretta!

2006-02-16T08:43:00.000-05:00

The end of the week is in sight. This morning I've been having a Pre-President's Day Weekend Mini-Celebration (PPDWMC) by backing-up the contents of my PC onto my Maxtor II external hard drive.

As a man, I like everything about the Maxtor II. First, I like the way it looks-- like it was fashioned out of a single piece of cold, hard steel. Second, I like it because it is perfectly functional -- it has a 300GB capacity so I can store, say, a million songs or 12 years of photos of my as-yet-unconceived children. Best of all -- the Maxtor II reminds of me of an ideal me -- vast but mostly vacant, inanimate but electrically charged, great in an emergency but usually unnecessary.

Next week I may have a PVPDWMC by cleaning and oiling my best shotgun. Now that the lawyers have been thinned out, it is time to move onto bigger game: journalists.

Look out Mr. David Gregory!

Cover Me

2006-02-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

Living has me too distracted to blog about it. I am unmotivated but have deadlines at work and anxiety about it all. I guess it was the perfect time for a SNOW DAY!

Cars and trees look good covered in snow

Grape vines do, too

If you can't really get out of doing what you have to do (and what you volunteered to do), the best thing is to shut up and do it. Or so I keep telling myself. Bruce ably described the feeling...

Outside's the rain, the driving snow

I can hear the wild wind blowing

Turn out the light, bolt the door

I ain't going out there no more

This whole world is out there just trying to score

I've seen enough

I don't want to see any more,

Cover me, come on and cover me

I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me

Monkey Money

2006-02-06T09:15:00.000-05:00

Fifteen years after the Berlin Wall was torn down and the Soviet economy imploded, Europe's own appointment with reality approaches. Over the course of their lives, Europeans work nearly 40% less than Americans, yet enjoy considerable affluence. While leisure time is an important societal benefit, if that society also desires affluence it has to be sufficiently productive to pay for both -- or be susidized by another society. Thanks to the U.S. taxpayer, Europe has enjoyed the financial benefits of not having to pay to defend itself. For that and other reasons, Europe has been able to sacrifice large quantitites of productivity in exchange for government mandated leisure.

Europeans point to policies that result in massive work-avoidance as evidence that theirs is a more civilized and decent society than that of the United States. Given that tens of millions died in Europe from war and genocide within the last century, it is rather like an aged former dictator condenscendingly critiquing the world from the distant perch of his comfortable exile. While I am sure Europe would prefer that we engage them in an innocuous debate about ethics of leisure, this article changes the subject to the ugliness that continues to lie behind that well-polished continental veneer: bigotry and greed.

PARIS--Lakshmi Mittal built up the world's biggest steel company--and the third-largest personal fortune of any man--by acquiring mills in the dodgiest of places. He honed his deal-making skills on the frontiers of capitalism: in Indonesia, Kazakhstan, Algeria, the Balkans, often in countries one might need to look up in the very latest atlas. In the past week, however, the 55-year-old Indian mogul has found himself in arguably the most difficult business environment of all--Western Europe....

...When I suggest the nice tycoon image might be the "Indian way," he scoffs, saying, "There is nothing Indian here, there is nothing European here, you have to run a multinational company in a proper fashion with top professionals."
The attacks on him have been vicious. Valery Giscard d'Estaing, the former French president, warned against giving into economic "laws of the jungle." A former French finance minister referred to Mr. Mittal as "an Indian predator," although his company is traded and based in Europe and he hasn't lived in India for 30 years. Mr. Dollé, the Arcelor boss, said Rotterdam-based Mittal Steel is a "company full of Indians" that wants to buy his with "monnaie de singe." The expression means "monopoly money"--Mittal's offer is mostly shares--but the literal translation is "monkey money." That double-entendre wasn't lost on people.

Yeah, That's It, A Little More to the Right

2006-02-04T17:10:00.000-05:00

If the Islamo-Fascists' goal is to gradually lull Europe into a sense of passive, multi-cultural complacency about the replacement of a free and democratic Europe with one ruled by Sharia Law, they would seem to be well on their way to failing at yet another endeavor. One can only hope that these violent and stupid acts will eventually cause Europe to stand up (beside the U.S.) and defend itself. Perhaps, some will even consider the centrality of Christianity to their civilization, if not their souls.
Syrian protesters set fire to embassies
Thousands of Syrian demonstrators stormed the Danish and
Norwegian embassies in Damascus today, setting fire to both buildings in protest against caricatures of Islam's prophet. Police fired tear gas and water cannons to disperse demonstrators who had move on to the Norwegian embassy after setting fire to the Danish embassy, about six kilometres (four miles) away. But the protesters broke through police barriers and set fire to the building, shouting "Allahu Akbar" (God is Great).

Here Comes The Rain Again

2006-02-04T14:45:00.000-05:00

'Tis a rainy Saturday in toniest faux-bohemiest Park Slope. Alas! What shall we do? Young Caleb, darling Chloe, precocious Kaitlin, and adorable but sadistic little Che, Jr. are whiny. They want fresh air! They want to play in Prospect Park! They want to overrun Pino's pizza!

Their parents' deep and abiding respect for peace, justice, artistic integrity, and sensible foot wear won't stop the rain, nor will it stop local shopkeepers from posting signs that say, "WE LOVE CHILDREN, BUT PLEASE NO PETS OR STROLLERS IN THE STORE."

What next, Jeb in 2008?

Syriana Sees No Evil before Jan 2001?

2006-02-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

The film Syriana, the complicated movie about the international oil business, is a big hit with the members of the Academy. I have not seen the film but I have read reviews. I understand that it is hard not view the film in 2005-6 and not get the message that President Bush -- well-known invader of Iraq, Texas oilman, son of Texas oilman and CIA chief -- is clearly a charter member of the Big Oil-Big Government cabal that it depicts. I would suspect that the film is intended to show clueless Americans not only about the true nature of the oil business, but to reveal the dark underbelly of the Bush Administration and its cronies. I haven't heard whether the film mentions The Man From Hope. If so, I'd love to hear about it.

The film's script has been nominated as work of fiction, but the film was also marketed as being based on Robert Baer's non-fiction See No Evil: The True Story of A Ground Soldier in the CIA's War on Terrorism. I read that book soon after it was released in early 2002. I can see why Clooney did not want to rely upon specific non-fictitious events contained in the book since they all occurred pre-GWB. Many of the events occurred during The Clinton Administration and the book was very clear that the Clinton Administration made deals with big oil and, worse, these influenced decisions to pull punches in fighting terrorism. Those facts, however, do not fit with the Clooney narrative. Get re-write! Get Oscar nomination!

While both political parties like money and power more than anything else, Hollywood keeps trying to sell the story that one party is pure and clean and the other one is dirty and evil. Not only are such tales false, they have grown boring.

Movie attendance dropped 7% in 2005, the largest drop since a 12% drop in 1985. Perhaps it is merely a coincidence that 1985 -- like 2005 -- was the year after a Republican (Ronald Reagan) was re-elected.

Nuclear Disrobics

2006-02-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

According to fascist mullahs, the West is full of infidels whose very existence is disrespectful of Islam. They think we should all die no matter what else we do. Given this somewhat rigid take on our right to choose (and our right to life), I suggest that we accept their accusation with pride and then raise the stakes of the war they have declared on us.

We correctly worry about Iran and other medieval types getting nuclear weapons. But let us not forget the obvious: we already have thousands of nuclear weapons that come in all shapes and sizes. We ought to remind the mullahs of our ability to shut them up for good whenever we feel the need and we should do so with the good humor that assures them -- and us -- that America will promptly return to making and spending money, and having creative sex with whomever we please, before the mushroom cloud even settles on their lifeless desert sands.

Speaking of pride, we in the West are all about gay pride. Since infidels are considered sub-human perverts no matter what else we do, I suggest that we have a big telethon with sexy, drug-taking celebrities to raise enough money to make 1 billion copies of this video and disseminate them in every urine-smelling corner where "I murder for Allah" is the most popular t-shirt slogan (after Guess). Let's let all these tough guys choke on our American pride.

The Surrendering Has Begun

2006-02-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

I can't even imagine what it would be like to be such amoral cowards:

French editor sacked in Mohammad cartoon row

PARIS (Reuters) - The Paris newspaper France Soir has sacked
its managing editor after the daily printed caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad that have sparked protests and boycotts in the Muslim world. The daily confirmed that owner Raymond Lakah had fired Jacques Lefranc on Wednesday evening after a tumultuous day on which German and Spanish dailies ran the controversial cartoons that first appeared in the Danish daily Jyllands-Posten.
Lakah said in a statement Lefranc was sacked "in a strong sign of respect for the beliefs and intimate convictions of every
individual".

Did M. Lakah really say "strong"? Well, maybe a strong statement of surrender to "beliefs" honoring hacking-off of innocent people's heads based on the "intimate conviction" that that is what Allah would want them to do. Allah also strongly favors recording ritualistic murders on videotape for immediate distribution to the global media. Attention M. Lakah: this is not a religious rights issue. This is a W-A-R being waged by evil animals hiding behind the robes of Allah. Perhaps, M. Lakah will figure this after they murder his family or friends. It's 1939 all over again.

Clowns & Cartoons

2006-02-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

After decades of lunatics murdering innocent men, women, and children in the name of Allah and Islam, these idiots are going bonkers of over one's guys cartoon that depicted Allah and that ran in about three privately-owned newpapers. A little hypersensitive? Well, yes, but it's both more than than that and less than that.

It is less becasue, like most protests these days, it involves a lot "acting" for cameras. It's simulated.

It is more than that because it reveals perfectly for all to see the juvenile, cartoonish world-view of these Islamic activists. They aren't satisfied with condemning the guy who actually wrote the cartoon or the few papers that ran it. They are protesting and literally attacking Europe, EU institutions, and individual European countries. They are stamping on the flag of Denmark, as if that entire nation actually cares about these people or has some duty to care about their religion. Well, with these embarassing protests, the Europeans may apologe for things they didn't do and surrender a little more of their dignity to these Islamofascists in exchange for making them shut up -- for now.

These people are bent on taking over Europe and the world for their inane and cruel version of Islam. Does anyone have the courage to push back? Does anyone have the guts to tell bad people who are falsely offended, "tough luck"? Let's hope so.

Meds for Speds

2006-01-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Have you ever worked for the sort of socially retarded ingrate ("SSRI") who thinks that he or she is practicing effective management and leadership by giving a "thanks everyone for your great work" speech once or twice a year, but is pointlessly meddlesome and ineptly critical the other 364?

When an employee is hardworking, talented, or volunteers for a big project for no extra money, SSRIs are all about making that employee regret their dedication. They go out of their way to idenify some routine but essential act by the employee, wrongly identify it as an "error" or "unauthorized," and then send a hastily-typed email down the chain of command containing edicts that cannot -- and will not -- be followed.

What is accomplished? Waves of disbelief among those reading the SSRI's email.

What don't these people believe? That someone so routinely incorrect in what they say and what they do could hold such a position.

No doubt this same person has spent hours and hours at meetings with his own boss and other colleagues yakking about ways (other than paying more money, of course) to motivate and inspire underlings. My suggestion: hire a staff psychiatrist to prescribe everyone meds. That way we can all have a laugh while we're at The Office.

With An Achin' In My Heart

2006-01-30T09:37:00.000-05:00

We've reviewed our vacation options and decided to go to California in early March. Given the season and the impact of the now-chilly Pacific Ocean on coastal weather, we're going to focus on Southern California but make a drive up the Central Coast, perhaps as far as Big Sur. The great thing about this time of year is that the traffic is light so you can actually get around the Golden State reasonably well, or so I have read (thanks C.S. for the outstanding 'California for Dummies'!).

My big ticket desire at this point is to stay at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. Even if I can't score some "smack," I'd love to stay in Bungalow 2 in honor of my favorite Blues Brother. I don't know if there is any point in showing up at Chateau Marmont in a rental car, however. I know that I am not glamourous; with the Ford Taurus there is zero chance of mistaking me for someone who is.

The Veil is Off, Let's Have A Look

2006-01-27T08:19:00.000-05:00

Now that Hamas has won a plurality of the vote of Palestinians, Prime Minister Abu Ala and his cabinet have resigned, and so Hamas must form a government and start taking responsibility for collecting trash, fighting crime, and the staggering unemployment rate. More importantly, as brilliantly explained by Emanuele Ottolenghi, it removes all the ambiguity that was exploited tacticly by Palestinian Authority so they could continue to murder Israelis while collecting billions in financial support:

They will have to show their true face now: No more masks, no more veils,
no more double-speak...As the government of the Palestinian Authority, now they will have to say whether they accept the roadmap. They will have to take control over security and decide whether they use it to uphold the roadmap or to wage war. There will be no excuses or ambiguities when Hamas fires rockets on Israel and launches suicide attacks against civilian targets. Until Tuesday, the PA could hide behind the excuse that they were not directly responsible and they could not rein in the "militants." Now the "militants" are the militia of the ruling party...

...The appeasers and the apologists are already cuing up to argue that Hamas has already embarked on the road to realism. But unless Hamas reneges on its ideology and endorses a new course, then Israel’s claim that there is no Palestinian partner is vindicated. The resulting Israeli policy of unilateralism is vindicated. Israel’s argument that the Palestinians do not want peace is vindicated. Israel’s argument that Islamists’ nuances and differences of opinion are just tactical, not strategic, is also vindicated. And the prospects of a Palestinian state will become even more remote.

In recent years I have come to understand that The "Peace Process" has always been a fiction. A sham. A very large percentage of "Palestinians" (and their Muslim supporters) do not want peace -- not with Israel. It does no good to sugarcoat their choice of war in falsehoods. Let them have their choice along with all the consequences of their choice. That is the only way minds will be change. Let them fight their war and lose completely. When all is lost for those who want war, only then can there be peace.

Hey Ho, Let's Go!

2006-01-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

My ten most desired travel destinations or tours, at the moment, and in no particular order:

1. Napa Valley (wine tour)
2. Kenya
3. Drive across U.S. (at least one month)
4. Argentina
5. House in Sicilian village (entire month of August)
6. Santorini, Greece
7. Explore Baha, Mexico
8. Sailing trip (Carribean, Mediterranean or similar)
9. Taj Mahal
10. Biblical lands (at peace)

I Need A Vacation - And Another War!

2006-01-25T14:10:00.000-05:00

I am badly in need of a month in Margaritaville, but unable to get away for several more weeks. This past weekend I thought hard about what I needed to cope and came to this conclusion: a benadryl, a box of doughnuts, and my fourteenth viewing of 'The Blues Brothers.' Did the trick .

Now that I'm feeling fine, I need to mention a couple of things that concern me about the world as we know it. First, a sizeable minority of my fellow countrypersons are keen on turning American into another version of Europe: a post-successful, post-meaningful, passive-aggressive nation. Now I just love to go to Europe and take in the lovely scenery and all its bloody history. While speeding along the autoroute through la region de Champagne to visit WWI battle sights, I marvel at how French farmers lovingly arrange bails of hay in patterns on their sun-dappled fields. No doubt they receive government grants to encourage highly aesthetic farming practices. It certainly beats guillotines and mustard gas.

The French have a lot of extra euros to pay for such incidentals only because American taxpayers spend so much money to defend and otherwise support Europe. Thanks to our financial assistance, Europe has become an exquisite museum and its inhabitants, artistes de la vie. It's not exactly Colonial Williamsburg, but it is a sort of pseudo-life that can only be experienced when someone both strong and generous volunteers to protect you from any Ghengis Khan who would come to burn your village and violate your women. American taxpayers apparently value an unviolated Europe, even if it costs us 10 or 20 billion dollars a year. Remember that the next time you thought you saved a lot of money using Expedia for your trip to Cannes.

There is a growing threat to Europe's safety and security, however: Americans who want to emulate Europe by disassembling our military capabilities. This sizeable minority figures we spend way too much money on a military that is full of fools who only make trouble around the world. Currently about 17% of the federal budget goes to military spending. Most would be shocked to learn that, when that youthful and optimistic Democrat John Kennedy was in the White House, the figure was close to 60%. That's because the nanny state was still just a lil' babe back on the old New Frontier. Today she's big, brash, and running the federal show.

When enough Americans finally get tired of being strong and successful (or simply tired of listening to CNN talk about Cindy Sheehan) and decide to unilaterally disarm, both Europe and the U.S. are going to need another nation to volunteer to protect us from aggressive nation-states bent on conquest. Maybe China will protect us from...China? Or perhaps Brazil will take on China or Iran just to be nice to us. We better hope so, because it looks like we'll be too busy gardening and working for not-for-profit theater groups to protect ourselves.

Then again I suspect that if we disarmed and told Europe we weren't really interested in military preparedness anymore, Europe would start re-arming damn fast. The words "enabling" and "co-dependent" come to mind.

The second, and related, thing that bothers me is Iran's quest for atomic weapons mixed with their insane, crooked leadership. I don't feel the need to argue the reasons why Iran cannot be allowed to have nukes. If you haven't figured that one out by now, you aren't going to be swayed by anything I say. Given that we have yet to complete the stabilization and hand-off of Iraq, I really wish we did not have to assume the (whole) burden of taking-out Iran's nuclear capabilities. Also, doing so won't be easy because Iran has numerous underground facilities where some or all of their nuclear capabilities are located. We won't get it all with our J-DAMS and bunker busters, but we should be able to get enough to buy some time. My real worry is, I don't know how I'll be able to watch our bombs light-up the skies of Tehran without having Aaron Brown to offer wistful comments. Let's hope Anderson Cooper (now "AC") will be able to express all the emotions he'll be experiencing while we put a hurtin' on those phony mullahs.

We will see if Bush is American-guy-enough to fight a second major war despite all the heat he has taken over Iraq. If W isn't, who is? Will Bush start the ball rolling in his State of the Union Address next week? My guess is that he will. Remember that "axis of evil" speech four years ago? If necessary, the U.S. is going to attack Iran and it isn't going to wait that long to do so. Bush already gave Europe three years to attempt "diplomacy." It failed, of course, because it was a sham on both ends. The Europeans had no expectations that it would succeed and Iran's president publicly stated that the Europeans are weak and corrupt. He got that right.

Europe is not only useless when it comes to defending the West against dangerous enemies, it's foreign policy so undermines our security it borders on collaboration with America's (and Europe's!) enemies. Most American's had ancestors who left Europe for good reason. It was a murderous place before and probably without us would be again before long. Let us proceed with what needs to be done to make this a safer and better world. And then we'll go to Munich and drucker at the Hofbrau House.

Sperm, Sperm, Sperm...

2006-01-20T07:54:00.000-05:00

For years now young adults, usually college or graduate students, have been making money selling their sperm or eggs. I see the ads directed at women all the time and, not surprisingly, they appeal to altruistic instincts by saying, "Help Another Woman Have A Baby." I never see ads directed at men, but I imagine those would simply say, "Have A Wank -- Plus $50 -- 'Barely Legal' Magazine Included!"

For many donors, the decision to sell some of their ample young gametes probably doesn't involve a lot of deep thought. We are now beginning to see the longer-run effect of such donors. Some of these people find themselves in midlife with no kids of their own and thoughts about the wonderful little versions of themselves out there somewhere. For those of us experiencing the strong urge to procreate, it is not hard to imagine what it would feel like to have donated years ago and now have the knowledge that you already have biological children that you have never seen or given a hug.

On the other side of bargain, some recipients -- I presume mostly women who needed eggs -- want their children to have a relationship of some sort with the donor to avoid the risk that the kids will feel a void or a sense of unfulfilled curiosity because they do not know both of their biological parents. This is certainly understandable and I am sure it can be a wonderful thing. But it does present some risks, especially when you have never met a donor who could be a problematic personality -- even a lunatic. Well, at least the recipient parents would know that they should get the offspring evaluated and medicated at any early age.

It's Too Late To Turn Back Now

2006-01-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

I've had some difficulty figuring out the kinds of things I want to write about on this blog. I vaguely decided not to write about one particular subject matter, like politics, since it feels too constraining. Although I didn't have this blog at the time, I am pretty worn-out after the last election and need to build up my strength for the next onslaught. I can't write about my job and that is a blessing. Sometimes I want to write humor pieces -- like you (and you and you and...) I have been told that I am funny -- but that isn't what is coming out of me. I'm not forcing anything. For now I am a little more interested in exploring who I was and who I am. A person going about life. This journey. This...like, wow, man.

My wife and I are trying to have a kid. I sort of remember Watergate but not the first moon walk, so it is a little odd to be preparing myself mentally for fatherhood at an age where most guys are having their mid-life crisis. By now, my Dad had five kids and one yet to come (guess who?). He drank. Mostly Canadian whiskey. You can't entirely avoid these existential tugs, but starting a family at this stage seems a great way to do mid-life. Having a baby isn't boring. It's also a remarkable opportunity to look back at your childhood and think about what it was like from a kid's perspective and to remember what was good (Oreos dunked in milk were good then and are still very good) and not so good (naps sucked back then, and I still avoid them except after nookie). So, that's the deal for me, man.

Beautiful Morning

2006-01-18T09:33:00.000-05:00

August, 1968

When it's your birthday and you are making the huge leap from 2-years-old to 3-years-old, nothing else matters. You don't know what happens in Memphis or Los Angeles or Chicago; you don't even know where those places are. You begin the day with joyous "happy birthdays!" and for the tenth time ask, "Mom, what's gonna happen?"

An eternal day of happiness is laid out for you like a king's banquet. With full knowledge that you are the very center of a most benevolent universe, you are soon out the door into your vast backyard to play under the warm sun with a red irish setter named Shawn. You like how the cool green grass feels under your bare feet. Your big brother's transistor radio plays ...There will be children with robins and flowers, sunshine caresses each new waking hour...

Later you will eat all of your favorite foods (corn on the cob!) with everyone you've ever known and they will all be nice to you. Mom will bring out a huge cake with three candles. Just like she promised. Everyone will sing a song and, at the end, you will hold up three fingers and look at her for approval, "threeeee!"

Now all you have to do is blow out the candles and wait for your slice.

ou suis je

2006-01-17T18:04:00.000-05:00

I was going to write in a foreign language, maybe French or Urdu, because that would be harder and I like to make things hard. I'll take any task you give me and make it into a really challenging one because I like my nonsense perfect and I'll go to great lengths to make it that way. But only if nobody else cares one bit.

While engaged in the completely inconsequential, I tend to ignore things I might otherwise be doing. Healing humanity through medical discovery, vanquishing global tyranny, electrifying a sea of thousands with song, or stirring the souls of a million children with majestic tales of derring-do.

I'll get to that later. Perhaps just after 2 in the morning when mania turns on me like a german shephard on a frail master. I really need a new pair of shoes since I wore a hole in the soul of my Clarks.

I think what I really need is a toadie.

Come Rain or Come Shine

2006-01-12T21:11:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna love you, like nobody's loved you

Come rain or come shine

High as a mountain, deep as a river

Come rain or come shine

I guess when you met me

It was just one of those things
But don't you ever bet me
'Cause I'm gonna be true
if you let me
You're gonna love me, like nobody's loved me

Come rain or come shine

We'll be happy together,

unhappy together

Now won't that be just fine

The days may be cloudy or sunny

We're in or out of the money

But I'm with you always

I'm with you rain or shine

--Johnny Mercer

Dangers of Sleep Deprivation

2006-01-11T08:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a pretty difficult day at work. The most annoying aspect was our crappy internet portal which, due to so many filters, anti-virus programs and who knows what else, will not let me access or download sites and essential documents for my job. It even makes it difficult for me to access my personal email account. This is a problem that I and other people have been coping with for some time.

Yesterday I almost lost it. I called the help desk where some young, poorly-paid guy seemed oblivious to my complaints despite the fact that everyone I talk to is going through the same thing. This is probably because he is oblivious.

I found the name of the "deputy chief" in charge of "infrastructure" in the MIS department and called her. Dry as toast in her approach to doing her job poorly, she acknowledged one big problem that is really causing a lot of problems and wasting a lot of people's time and she indicated we could get around it by using a different portal. When I asked her how I was supposed to know about this -- "Did you send out an email," I asked -- she said they are responding only to individual complaints. This is where the phone went dead on my end for several seconds because I was simply speechless.

I was angry the rest of the day. Why? Why did I care yesterday when I have been putting up with this same crap for months and months? Only later, when I was having dinner with my wife and our friend, did I realize how punchy I was due to lack of sleep. I had been getting only 5 hours or so for a few nights in a row because I have been busy with projects involving getting more music for my iPod while also having to work. When I am sleep deprived I turn into something akin to a person having a manic episode and a few double martinis:

1. Lack of inhibition? Check.
2. Aggressive? Check.
3. Super Impatient? Check.
4. Big mouth? Check.

I risked making a fool of myself at work yesterday because I went to the office deprived of sleep. That is a little bit frightening. Next time I should just call in sick.

Obsession

2006-01-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

I am obsessed.

Yesterday I was at Staples stocking up on paper and paper shredders while enjoying their surprisingly good music. Hey, no wonder I spent so much money! Anyway, a song comes on from the 1970s that I used to hear all the time and knew inside-out and backwards, but had forgotten about for many years. I was excited and started singing along to it at my wife who tolerates my bouts of mania. The song sounds like an early disco era R&B dance thing. I said, "I'm going to get this for my iPod." We proceeded to make our purchases and go home. I proceeded to forgot all about the song and by the time I remembered a couple hours later, it was totally lost all over again. When I try to remember it, other similar songs come into my head.

No, it's not "Rock The Boat" by the Hues Corporation or "Then Came You" by the Spinners. But you get the idea.

I want that song and I want it now. I woke up at 5 a.m. to search top 100 lists for the entire 1970s and could not find it. That doesn't mean it isn't there, however. This is really sad.

Update: I found it (or, I had found it when I posed but didn't figure it out). It was "Games People Play" by The Spinners. I liked it when I was kid and it's still a good song even though I'm getting crows feet.
-1:11 p.m.

Peak Oil & China Banks

2006-01-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

A friend sent me this link to Peak Oil: The Life After the Crash. It is a lengthy read, but I highly recommend you give it at least a quick look. Again, I am old enough to have learned to never take too seriously predictions of future catastrophe. I think, however, that the global production of oil, and thus its supply, will very likely "peak" by 2020 and then decline at some rate year to year. The very large oil reserves necessary to avoid this have not been discovered and it is far from likely they will be.

Global demand, meanwhile, continues to grow steadily and rapidly, especially as a result of economic development in Asia. Because increased demand for oil necessarily flows (sorry) from economic growth and development, only a long-term global depression would alter the demand side of the graph. Obviously, that also would be terrible.

Nonetheless I discount specific predictions and doomsday scenarios because Western civilization has a very good track record of waking up just in time to save the day, or at least minimize the damage. In recent years the debate about energy has concerned "global warming." Perhaps that debate will later be seen as a trivial diversion.

Whatever the reason for reducing oil consumption, countries like China and India are not willing to sacrifice their rapid, oil-supported economic growth. Nor is the U.S., especially if it has to "lead," which is another word for making significant unilateral sacrifices while others delay, refuse, pretend, and cheat. Europe says it will sacrifice, but talk from Europe is cheap, and always has been. Speaking of has-been:

Once-Mighty Britain, Oxford, 1989

Speaking of possible economic dislocation and Asia. This article tells us that there are clear signs that the Chinese banking system is teetering: A high percentage of loans aren't being repaid and, as usual, the banks are using phony accounting to hide these non-performing loans. Why? In short, corruption.

Hot, Spicy Links

2006-01-06T06:21:00.000-05:00

A blend of distinct cultures from different regions, located on a boot-shaped peninsula and some nearby islands, recently became a modern nation called "Italia." For centuries before there was an Italy, the peoples of each region -- Veneto, Napoli-Campagna, Tuscany, Lombardi, Sicilia, Umbria, to name a few -- have been exporting beauty and meaning to people around the world. Art, architecture, music, theology, and design are but a few areas of particular accomplishment.

What really boggles my mind are the billions of moments of gustatory pleasure experienced by Americans whether eating fine, authentic Italian cuisine or simply having a slice of pizza. It is fitting to underscore this unpretentious yet enormous achievement based on a passion for good food and the good life. Besides, what could be more American?

I try to take a vigorous 45 minute walk during my workday in lower Manhattan. Yesterday I walked all the way to Greenwich Village and found myself in front of Faicco's Pork Store on Bleecker Street. Since I had burned all those calories, I figured I deserved a little reward, so I bought six links of fresh hot Italian sausage to take home. And some cracked Sicilian olives. And four links of sweet fennel sausage.

Last night I slowly fried the hot links in a pan by themselves. In a separate pan I made a marinara sauce using organic onions, fresh flat leaf parsley (we always have some), four small cloves of garlic, one large can of crushed tomatoes, 3/4 cup of chicken broth, three dried bay leaves (if you replace them once or twice a year the dried are fine), a teaspoon of dried basil, a hint of oregano, salt, and black pepper. I added the sausages and some of the liquid to the marinara and simmered the whole thing for another ten minutes. I served them with the marinara over fresh linguine they sell refrigerated at the supermarket. "Fresh" pasta is soft and cooks in about two minutes. Result: yum.

Besides things like Barolo and pecorino romano, I am especially fond of one exquisite Italian import:

Tuscany, August 2002

The Time of My Life

2006-01-05T08:37:00.000-05:00

It was 1992 and New York City was wired on crack and walking through the valley of the shadow of 2,262 homicides. A nasty recession had beaned Wall Street and the law firms right between the eyes. I was a newly minted lawyer who couldn't stomach lawyers or the sight of a law book. Jobless, I refused to apply for attorney positions, not only because the law induced catatonia, but because the only ones hiring were bottom-feeding ambulance chasers offering $18,500 a year. The only fringe benefit such people offered was personal abuse.

Whatever I did, there was no way I could pay the $1,300 a month student loan bill. Over the next two years I would sink my credit rating for the next seven.

I knew three things: One: no fucking way was I going back where I came from. Two: I was going to stick it out in New York until I could leave with my head held high. Three: I needed to pay the rent.

A young woman I met socially told me she was in sales at a temp agency. I asked about her clients and she mentioned several companies including Time, Inc. magazines. After some discussion she suggested that I sign on and see what happens. I would spend the next two years temping my way through a variety of low-paying but interesting jobs.

I spent six months at Time magazine. I worked in the "makeup" department where they determined where the ads would be positioned in relation to the editorial content of the "book." I spent eight months at Entertainment Weekly. Where else could I meet Kenny G or talk on the phone with Gene Siskel? With excitement like that the magazine business seemed pretty glamorous for a while. Heading to the Time-Life Building sure beat practicing shit-law for some scuzzbag in a smelly building on Court Street.

What did I actually do? Not much. I typed, did spread sheets, took phone calls, ran copy around, edited the over-ambitious scribblings of business people who happen to work at magazines. I talked to a lot of people with backgrounds totally unlike my own. I was the lawyer who didn't give a shit.

Later I was offered an assigment that was the opposite of glamorous, but that sounded so fascinating, I couldn't refuse: the neurophysiology department at The Hospital for Joint Diseases. This is where people have diagnosic tests performed on their peripheral (vs. central) nervous system to locate pathologies causing pain, numbness, or tingling. I learned in a pretty direct way how our very delicate and sensitive nerves are the source of all the human body's pain and pleasure*. It helped that I made a point of listening closely when the doctor, also a professor, would instruct the younger doctor.

Real people came there because they were in pain, sometimes excruciating pain. Dealing with those in pain was rewarding because I could speak to them as patients about their pain and simply listen to their story. That probably helped them, if only psychologically. Working in a hospital helped me to appreciate all the positive things I had, even at a low point in my life. And it gave me the opportunity, when I really needed it, to do something for others.

*There are other places that cater to body pleasure. I never worked there.

Say Arrivederci, Roma?

2006-01-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

I make it a practice to discount extreme predictions. This article, by Mark Steyn, however, raises serious issuse about the future of the "West", particularly Europe where a very low birthrate among people of European descent means they are importing populations that, in large part, do not believe in liberal democracy and its attendant human rights and who also have a much higher birthrate. In short, they will bring Sharia to Europe.

I share Steyn's concern but also think that he overstates the risk by assuming, 1) that many European won't begin to wake up to the severity of the problem, and 2) that there are not a significant number of secular and moderate immigrants in Europe who will side with the liberal democrats and against the theocrats.

Here's an excerpt:

Nineteen seventy doesn't seem that long ago. If you're the age many of the chaps running the Western world today are wont to be, your pants are narrower than they were back then and your hair's less groovy, but the landscape of your life--the look of your house, the layout of your car, the shape of your kitchen
appliances, the brand names of the stuff in the fridge--isn't significantly different. Aside from the Internet and the cell phone and the CD, everything in your world seems pretty much the same but slightly modified.

And yet the world is utterly altered. Just to recap those bald statistics: In 1970, the developed world had twice as big a share of the global population as the Muslim world: 30% to 15%. By 2000, they were the same: each had about 20%.

And by 2020?

So the world's people are a lot more Islamic than they were
back then and a lot less "Western." Europe is significantly more Islamic, having taken in during that period some 20 million Muslims (officially)--or the equivalents of the populations of four European Union countries (Ireland, Belgium, Denmark and Estonia). Islam is the fastest-growing religion in the
West: In the U.K., more Muslims than Christians attend religious services each week. Can these trends continue for another 30 years without having consequences? Europe by the end of this century will be a continent after the neutron bomb: The grand buildings will still be standing, but the people who
built them will be gone. We are living through a remarkable period: the self-extinction of the races who, for good or ill, shaped the modern world.

Enough About Me

2006-01-04T08:24:00.000-05:00

I still remember when I firmly decided that I wanted to have children. I was studying for exams during the winter of my second year of law school. My first year hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped and my only solution was to work even harder. I was spending 14 or 15 hours per day in class or at the library and trying to cope with memories of all the good times I used to have. I needed to come up with a serious rationalization for having subjected myself to all those hours of study while accumulating $66,000.00 in student loan debt.

I could not undo the biggest mistake of my life, but I could bring a new life into the world, raise him up, and then tell him endless stories of my toil and sacrifice!

In retrospect I realized that might not be the way to go. Nonetheless, my wife and I are now trying to have children and I'm very eager to conceive. I have this fear that it won't happen, my life will soon end, and its small puddle of meaning will quickly evaporate. I guess the more likely scenario is that my life will continue in relative affluence and modern comfort. I'll have accomplishments while indulging and amusing myself. With all of that, and despite my wonderful and loving wife, still there would be an empty space without children.

As little as one hundred years ago the average life expectancy in the United States was 47 years. People always talk about a biological clock in women. Well, in men, I think there is an existential clock ingrained somewhere in our DNA. I am 40 and mine is chiming like Big Ben.

I have to admit that those years studying were not entirely a mistake. My career is going well. My wife is but a dream. I live in a great place and have plenty of interesting things to do. But now that my life is so very good I want to make it less about me. I am getting more than a little bored with me. I want to be another father who tells endless stories about his kids.

Above It All

2006-01-03T08:41:00.000-05:00

Outside Tangiers, Morocco, April, 1989

A lifetime is comprised of individual days, hours, and minutes containing thousands and thousands of choices. Carpe Diem!

Come On Try A Little...Got To Be Something Better Than In The Middle

2006-01-02T13:03:00.000-05:00

Happy 2006 everyone! I would love to start the year off with words that are sharp enough to slice open those shrink-wrapped-packages of niggling-existential-ennui, yet sweet enough to mellow the bitter dark chocolate as it slowly melts over your tongue. Instead I will merely inform you that this has turned into, among other things, the holiday weekend I dig through the archives to find the old photographs and, along with the newer ones, start scanning them into digital form.

If something happens to my PC, I have an external hard drive where I can back up all my photos. Since a fire or a flood could destroy both my PC and external hard drive, I plan to send my photos to Kodakgallery for safe storage and easier transmission. This way I can reliably preserve my photos and everyone in them forever and ever. Amen.

An excursion into the archives means Ye Olde Walke down memory lane with all its attendant ups and downs. I have boxes of photos of nice people and myself doing all sorts of enjoyable things, whether horsing around at a party in college, or just moving through space and time on trains bound for Munich, Morocco, or Malaga.

On the other hand: people move away, people don't keep in touch, people turn out to be liars, people get old, people don't live forever. And one person got sick years ago and late last week was taken to the hospital where words like "critical" and "not much we can do" were appended to him by doctors wielding test results. But, just now, I received a call saying he has improved and is out of intensive care.

My older brother is nearly 3,000 miles away. For 25 years or so he has lived a life mostly separated from our large but atomized family. He is very funny, talented, adventurous and -- it turns out -- more troubled than he let on. But he is still with us.

Luna

2005-12-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

A man of faith copes with the death of his beautiful dog, Luna. He is open about being angry. As someone who has gotten pretty comfortable with being angry, I do relate to his reaction.

I highly recommend his photoblog. His use of color is extraordinary.

Hat tip: The Corner

Retoucha Toucha Touch Me

2005-12-29T08:20:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered exactly how magazines alter photographs to make the models and actors in them look so perfectly thin and gorgeous? Well, here is a computer simulation that let's you change one woman's attributes so she is magazine material -- or back to a mere mortal like the rest of us.

Dead Men Make No Predictions

2005-12-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

For some reason my New Years' predictions usually involve death or divorce. I never predict pleasant things like "Elton John will get married" or "Elton John will spend $250,000 on flowers."

This is the third year that I am unable to predict that during the coming year Bob Hope (1903-2003) will go to that big USO show in the sky. Since his passing, I have had trouble coming up with a New Year's prediction. This is strange given the number of truly decrepit people who died in 2005.

Surely it is the randomness of the conglomeration of "the greats and near-greats" who happen to die in the same calendar year that accounts for some of the public appetite for annual recitations of the dead. Besides letting us note the departure of well-known people who left a mark on our lives, it also let's us acknowledge that we made it through another year. So far.

During the annual "those we lost" segment, The Today Show steers clear of an implicit question, "what year will I get lost?" That is just as well since we viewers are neither great nor near-great. Katie Couric, in my estimation, is totally near-great and thus could totally die in 2006. Similarly, CBS could make her its news anchor. That's sort of my prediction.

I have another prediction about "someone" dying, albeit not during 2006. I predict that the coming death of the two remaining American car companies -- GM and Ford -- will become a consequential issue during the 2006 Congressional elections. It will hit home that both will declare bankruptcy because of unfunded pension and retiree health-care liabilities, unless the government bails them out or the UAW hands back much of the benefits it pretended to gain for it members.

No matter, it will be a great year for those of us who make it to the other end. Hope to see you there!

Obesity Warning in Effect

2005-12-27T08:19:00.000-05:00

Well it's been four days of sleeping, eating, drinking, sleeping, eating, and drinking. The "Obesity Watch" that was in effect over the weekend has been upgraded to an "Obesity Warning" through New Years Day. We are invited for dinner to two outstanding steakhouses this week: tonight at Peter Luger's and Thursday at Sparks. On New Years Eve we are invited to a dinner party that will lob another few thousand calories at my gut. I'm like the fat polar bear at the zoo who can't be bothered to move a few feet to get the peanuts thrown his way.

In response to my polite but meaningless suggestion that this was excessive, someone (hi honey!) had the temerity to counter-suggest that I order fish at one of the steakhouses. I suppose there might come a point when I would grow tired of eating prime meats expertly prepared. But I am not sure that, in good conscience, I can order fish when I am an invited guest at a steakhouse. It may be perceived as rude, offensive even, and I can't take that chance.

Applying a value analysis, that nice-but-plain fish will cost as much as my share of the enormous porterhouse drenched in butter or a succulent filet mignon with that nice little crust on the outside. Maybe I can compromise by ordering a 3 lb. lobster to share with someone who orders steak. Call it a co-operative surf and turf. If this keeps up, pretty soon I'll be trading-in my V-6 for a hybrid.

Like Making Fun of Tacky People? Me Too.

2005-12-24T00:10:00.000-05:00

Want some ideas for decorating your house next Christmas? Go to uglychristmaslights.com.

It's sort of like Currier & Ives, but in Lodi, New Jersey.

Peanut Butter For Mice

2005-12-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

My hunch is that news of this controversy was actually released by the Bush Administration to bait Democrat leaders into foolishly attacking Bush for "going too far" and "violating civil liberties" in trying to prevent a nuclear terror attack on U.S. soil by Islamofascists:

"In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities..."

For about 70% of Americans, going "too far" in monitoring Muslim organizations or individuals who had already evidenced pro-terrorist sympathies, would mean throwing them in jail and beating them unconscious. Driving a nuclear monitoring device into their parking lot and taking a reading, whatever some academic says, does not count

But wait until Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean, Ted Kennedy, and John Kerry get a hold of this. You can expect more self-destructive words and deeds. But Hillary won't take the bait because she has national ambitions and even true-blue New Yorkers know that if a nuke goes off, it will probably be in NYC or D.C.

We Won't Forget The Selfish TWU

2005-12-23T19:10:00.000-05:00

Remember that transit strike by the those selfish fuckers at the TWU? Well, the selfish TWU has a web site with a comments section. Not surprisingly, New Yorkers found the site and decided to offer their opinions about the selfish TWU. Here are the comments that were retrieved from a cache after the cowardly and selfish TWU took down the comments section.

The comments were not positive, or even civil, or even rational. But I don't blame people for being angry because they were INTENTIONALLY and MALICIOUSLY subjected to loads of physical and emotional stress just days before Christmas.

I'm Thankful For Life's Little Gifts

2005-12-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

The transit strike is over so I can take the subway to work today. But I'm not going to. I'm staying home because my feet and legs hurt so much from all the walking I did the last few days. Beyond that, I'm so mentally and physically exhausted I feel like a combination of Liza Minelli, Elton John, and Colin Farrell on their first day of rehab. Maybe that didn't come out right.

One of the great things about New York City is we don't have any Wal-Marts. Everyone knows that Wal-Mart's low everday prices actually harm its customers because it buys so much merchandise made in low-wage countries. You see, the very same Wal-Mart "customers" enjoying low prices are also "workers" being abused by capitalism. Unfortunately, "workers" are too dumb to figure this out on their own. Fortunately, smart people (who went to college!) are themselves working to reeducate them.

Problem is, reeducation is an uphill struggle because, by selling foreign manufactured goods, the worst that Wal-Mart could do is hurt some of the factory workers who are a fraction Wal-Mart's tens of millions of customers. The rest benefit greatly from the low prices and don't have jobs that can or will be "sent to China." This would explain most Wal-Mart customers' failure to understand the downside for them in all this. Maybe Wal-Mart customers aren't really such dumb sheep, but rational people doing what made America great: looking out for themselves. Or, to put it another way, filthy capitalist pigs.

It seems like every store you go into these days sells a lot of stuff made in China and other poor, smelly countries where none of us goes for vacation. But unlike those stores, Wal-Mart has grown to be a gigantic company with thousands of megastores. Years ago I heard that Wal-Mart is super high-tech efficient and stuff, but I forget because no one talks about that anymore

But for some reason when all the smaller, less successful retailers sell things made in China or Sri Lanka, no one sues them or says they are evil unless their employees join a union. Maybe being less successful is what it really means to be "progressive."

Whatever you believe, it doesn't look like propaganda alone is going to bring down Wal-Mart anytime soon. But maybe that isn't what this anti-Wal-Mart movement is really about. Maybe it's just about getting a big tasty slice of Cash Pie. Let's look at the the usual methods employed to shakedown a successful, productive enterprise to see if they are being employed against Wal-Mart.

First, do the lawyers say Wal-Mart must pay? Yes. Is the lawsuit brought in a Democrat-union-plaintiff-friendly court? Yes, Oakland, California. Standard shakedown technique -- check!

Next, think of any retail job you -- or anyone you know -- ever worked. Did anyone ever mention joining a union? Did you give a shit that you weren't in a union. Of course not. You know why? Because retail jobs are mainly temporary or part-time means to some other end. But most of all, you aren't union leaders.

The people who run (own and manage?) unions want to "represent" workers at Wal-Mart because that would mean getting dues automatically deducted from the paychecks of its 1.6 million employees from a single payroll system. What a score - Tony Soprano would salivate all over his track suit. That means at least $100 million a year to spend on luxury cars, $3,000 suits, fancy dinners -- and lying politicians! With that kind of money an ugly union president can be screwing the same hot chicks as any rap star or football player -- and he can do it in the Lincoln bedroom.

Is everyone still with me on the down-lo? You too, Colin? Okay, folks, let's keep following the money.

Every time Wal-Mart requests approval to open a store in the Big Apple, the City Council bravely blocks it: "Go back to Arkansas you crackers!" Thank goodness life in New York City is made better each and every day because of the strength of labor union$ and the pre$$ure they exert on our local politician$! Does anyone doubt that the local politician$ will eventually get what it take$ to change their mind about Wal-Mart. Thu$ far, apparently, the price is too high or Wal-Mart i$ refu$ing to play ball. $tay tuned.

Finally, here's the proof positive that anti-Wal-Mart sentiment is based on something other than deeply held moral convictions about exploited workers. Let's hear it from Rev. Shakedown himself:

Guess who's not shopping at Wal-Mart? And the answer is...The Reverend Jesse Jackson! ...Reverend Jackson and over 65 prominent religious leaders, representing over 1.3 million Americans, have also joined WakeUpWalMart.com in a nationwide initiative to call on Wal-Mart and CEO Lee Scott to "change for the better" this Holiday season. Jackson and other respected faith-based leaders signed a joint letter to Lee Scott, CEO of Wal-Mart, which states "in the shared spirit of the holiday season, we call on Wal-Mart to change, to become better, and to embrace the best of American values."
...by making Rev. JJ richer, too.

A Holiday Message to the TWU: FUCK YOU!

2005-12-21T22:52:00.000-05:00

My feet hurt and my legs are sore as hell. Having basked in the warm glow of a municipal union, my holiday message to the TWU is: FUCK YOU!

I'm in decent shape so walking 90 minutes to work over the Brooklyn Bridge one time is not so bad. But the walk back home totally sucked. That was just day one. Yesterday I woke up with legs that were so sore I just sat there drinking my coffee feeling my muscles and tendons sort of pulse. Then I did the long march all over again. Fortunately I got a ride part of the way so my walk was down to about an hour each way. I can do that walk one more day, but if the strike continues tomorrow, I will have to use a vacation day. Value: about $250.

Let us all stand in a circle, hold hands, and sing a song urging death upon that fucker Touissant.

Now I try to be fair about these sorts of disputes. First, it really should not be my business how much a train cleaner or a bus driver gets paid. Sure, transit workers get up early, have families to support, and you have to pay enough to have responsible people operating trains and buses. But when you consider that a mere 35,000 MTA employees -- whose jobs are so desirable that hundreds of people apply for each vacancy -- are putting 8 million people through this much shit I need to say it loud and clear: TWU, FUCK YOU!

What is this really about? The MTA pays a high school dropout train cleaner $45,000 a year, with full benefits, lots of vacation time, ample sick days, and then a half-salary retirement at age 55. A bus driver makes $60,000 per year. But when the train cleaner doesn't want to contribute to his health care or pension -- like everyone else does -- he gets to tell people with health issues to walk to work in the freezing cold. And since those people are too miserable to shop, that means he gets to tell people who risked everything to open a small business, "Hey, whatever, go broke."

I'm still pretty young and healthy. I cannot imagine what this is like for someone who is 55 or 60 or has health problems. What about their rights? Who else gets to put other people through so much when they don't like something about their job? Not me, that's for sure.

Hey, TWU: When the word comes down that they are going automate your asses to the unemployment line, NYers are going to remember this outrageously selfish strike. We'll see you at MickyDs.

Vicarious Love

2005-12-20T22:46:00.000-05:00

This year our Christmas tree turned out extra-festive thanks to the decorating contributions of our very own Christmas consultant: my father-in-law. Here is a man who genuinely loves Christmas as much as anyone regardless of age. It has a great deal to do with his being a joyful, enthusiastic Christian.

If you look closely you'll see a very thoughtful gift from our friend C.S. -- an ornament with Kyle and Mr. Hanky from South Park.

Tree decorating not being my strong suit, I instead pursued my own: pork loin. This time I seasoned it with fresh sage and rosemary; shallots and garlic.

The most important thing is to not overcook the meat. I braze it slowly and leave just a hint of pink in the middle. I shall attempt to slay a myth: there's nothing wrong with eating pork medium-well.

Any Reason Will Do

2005-12-19T08:25:00.000-05:00

Remember? Here was one of the main arguments made against the U.S. military invading Iraq to remove Saddam Hussein, as articulated by the senior Senator from the State of Massachusetts:

"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction... Saddam may well hide his most lethal weapons in mosques, schools and hospitals. If our forces attempt to strike such targets, untold numbers of Iraqi civilians could be killed."

--Senator Ted Kennedy September 27, 2002

Some People Just Like To Watch

2005-12-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Congressional elections aren't for almost two years and it will be three years before the next presidential election. While the pollsters and media pundits yak, flack, and spin, what matters now are the words and deeds of members of Congress and the Bush Administration, each of whom swore an oath to defend our nation and its Constitution.

Among them are a handful in Congress who won a fierce competition for a leadership position within their party. To do so, they had to take a second "oath" - do and say that which keeps the money flowing into party coffers and other reservoirs of campaign cash. To keep the money flowing now (when only professionals and zealots who make big donations are paying attention), party leaders must say and do things they hope will be forgotten or obscured before the election (when normal people start paying attention).

Of course this is a bipartisan practice. But the practices vary considerably depending on the circumstances and the party. Let's see how one party's elected leaders to Congress are balancing these competing aims on the national security fulcrum that is Iraq:

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said yesterday that Democrats should not seek a unified position on an exit strategy in Iraq, calling the war a matter of individual conscience and saying differing positions within the caucus are a source of strength for the party.

Pelosi said Democrats will produce an issue agenda for the 2006 elections but it will not include a position on Iraq. There is consensus within the party that President Bush has mismanaged the war and that a new course is needed, but House Democrats should be free to take individual positions, she said.

"There is no one Democratic voice . . . and there is no one Democratic position," Pelosi said in an interview with Washington Post reporters and editors.

Once upon a time this statement would have been shocking. But no longer. Taking a page from the failed John Kerry playbook, if the substance of your position is humiliating, state it gravely yet forcefully. It is amazing how many people are willing to believe that self-contradictory vacillation evidences nobility.

Anyone who understands how political parties work knows that Pelosi has to keep rich, proudly "liberal" types -- Hollywood, Manhattan, and George Soros -- reasonably satisfied that the Democratic Party represents their extreme positions to ensure that it donates significant quantities of money. That is precisely what she was doing when:

Pelosi recently endorsed the proposal by Rep. John P. Murtha (D-Pa.) for a swift redeployment of U.S. forces from Iraq over a period of six months, but no other party leader followed, and House Minority Whip Steny H. Hoyer (D-Md.) publicly opposed her.

She said her support for Murtha was not intended to forge a Democratic position on the war, adding that she blocked an effort by some of her colleagues to put the Democrats on record backing Murtha.

That is the truth, but not the whole truth. Pelosi was doing what had to be done to raise money from her end of the party. It doesn't have many votes, but does have a lot of money. This moneyed minority now prevents the Democratic Party from nominating someone who can be elected President, except when a majority of Americans decide national security is a low priority. Like in the 1992, 1996, and 2000. During the current climate, however, Democrats have no chance of formulating a national security consensus that will be acceptable to a majority of Americans and so Pelosi has announced that they will not even try. Of course, Democrats could not even agree to disagree:

Her comments ruling out a caucus position appeared to put Pelosi at odds with some other party officials. Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean recently said Democrats were beginning to coalesce around a strategy that would pull out all troops over the next two years. Rep. Rahm Emanuel (Ill.), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, said on the day Murtha offered his plan, "As for Iraq policy, at the right time, we'll have a position."
Pelosi said she had not consulted with Dean or Senate Minority
Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) before taking her position. Her action angered some Democrats, who believed it left the party vulnerable to criticism from the Republicans, but cheered the party's antiwar activists who want party leaders to challenge Bush more vigorously on the war...

...If Democrats are able to win the majority next year, Pelosi pledged aggressive oversight of the administration on issues including the war, intelligence and how the government responded to Hurricane Katrina.

Pelosi says her party does not have a position on Iraq, but Americans should elect a Democratic majority to Congress so they can be "aggressive" in attacking whatever position the administration has. Back when people could use the words "treason" and "sedition" in a sentence, they would have been describing Pelosi.

Is it not time to ask the Democratic Party about a financial bargain with a left wing that results in the party utterly lacking coherence or credibility on national security? Can someone with access to a television camera and a microphone articulate this question? If you have concerns about the War on Terror and Iraq as prosecuted by George W. Bush, wouldn't there be more effective oversight if the Democratic Party just said no to its far left flank? Does anyone think that historians will look back and say, "if only American had listened more closely to Nancy Pelosi or Howard Dean"?

Who Gives A Crap?

2005-12-19T07:15:00.000-05:00

Here is some good news, in case you rely on the mainstream media...

Afghanistan Prepares to Install New National Assembly
By Donna MilesAmerican Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Dec. 16, 2005 – Just as election activities wrap up in Iraq, the people of Afghanistan are looking toward a historic event in their own country, as its National Assembly convenes Dec. 19 for the first time in more than three decades.

Formation of the parliament marks the latest step in Afghanistan' path to democracy and follows the country's Sept. 18 parliamentary elections, a State Department official told the American Forces Press Service on the condition that he not be identified or quoted.

Afghan National Army, Afghan National Police and international military forces ensured a relatively safe and secure environment so more than 12.5 million registered voters could vote for a 249-member lower house of parliament, as well as provincial councils. These council members, in turn, elected 68 members of the upper chamber.

President Hamid Karzai appointed the remaining 34 upper-house members, more than half of them women, the official explained.
The seating of the national assembly represents fulfillment of the 2001 Bonn Agreement intended to establish a new Afghan government, he said.

Members of Afghanistan's first parliament in more than 30 years gathered in Kabul late last week to start a week-long orientation sponsored by the U.S. Agency for International Development before the legislature's inauguration, the official said.

Time To Change Your Bet?

2005-12-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

I have voted in a number of elections and have had the good fortune to observe elections in France and in Costa Rica. I have been to many countries - rich, poor, and in between. In my view, if you have a full stomach, decent clothing, and a warm place to sleep, additional material wealth makes little difference to whether you consider yourself happy. But having a bit of freedom to choose what you can do each day, and to control the fruits of your own labor, adds greatly to human happiness. Whether that means making widgets or writing plays, so be it.

It is no secret that during all of recorded human history the vast majority of people knew nothing other than (what Westerners now consider) abject poverty and a nearly complete lack of "freedom" or "human rights." Were these people happy? I can only speculate that sometimes they were and often they were not. We do know that we, their progeny, are still here. We also know that in the last two millennia we have spread and increased, transported by gentle breezes and violent gales, a vast meadow of wildflowers, each one mysteriously sowed.

Since 1776, and in particular, since 1946 -- when the U.S. took its place as the world's greatest political, economic, and military power -- the number of people enjoying a modicum of political freedom and material comfort in this world has exploded. Importantly, the geographic area in which people enjoy these benefits has also grown significantly, especially since 1989. Is there any question that it was the United States who caused these changes?

Contrary to so many elite opinion-makers of the time, the U.S.S.R. merely used (stolen) nuclear technology, abundant aggression, and a limitless capacity for deception to imitate being a world power. Some learned from its humilitating but peaceful downfall that, in the long run, reality will prevail if we remain steadfast. Others did not.

Not dissimilarly, oil wealth combined with purchased, imported western technology provided some of Iraq's 25 million people with some of the material benefits standard in the West since WWII. Like so many other countries, the Iraqis imitated western society with its automobiles, televisions, movie theaters and airports. Of course, it also was a sham built on torture chambers, human slaughterhouses, and rape rooms. A 'Scarface' on a national scale. Iraq, like much of the Middle East, invented nothing and produced little, besides oil.

But this week, for those who cared to notice, there was no mistaking that political freedom has spread to Iraq and, yet again, has been embraced, now even by Sunnis. The people of Egypt, Jordan, Syria and Iran who have been told by their own rulers that they aren't good enough to have a say in their own government are now seeing in newspapers and on their TV and computers screens that Iraqis, people very much like themselves, are having their say. It seems that reality is intruding on another sham imposed by force. Persians, Arabs and Muslims, of course, are willing to demand a say in their future. They are just afraid of doing so. For those betting against victory and freedom in Iraq and the Middle East, I think it is time cut your losses and make a new bet. Not because George W. Bush was right and is brave. But because America was -- and is.

Scanning the horizon from on high

2005-12-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

You know what it's time for? Well, it's time to get to work, of course. But besides that, it's time to get all of my old photos digitized. Well, maybe not all of my old photos. There are the ones where I look stupid. They might not make the cut. And there are the ones where I look to be posing with someone female who is not my wife. But that is just an allegation and one that I deny vigorously. In fact, I refuse to discuss the issue any further (unless I'm really desperate for something to write here). Anyway, those photos don't make the cut.

My recent purchase of a Dell PC included a Dell Printer that might let me do this. I should know for sure by now, but I'm too busy living like a rock star to absorb every detail of my incredible life. I just had my assistant look over at the printer and he tells me it has a button and below the button there is the word "Scan." Maybe that is a clue. I will ponder this today whilst aboard my private jet with Bono and Angelina bound for an AIDS conference in Zurich. We'll be drinking some friggin' expensive wine and it will taste ever so good.

Expat Dreams

2005-12-14T08:57:00.000-05:00

Many of us have considered living abroad, or maybe even did so in our youth. Whatever your reason -- your love for another culture, your dislike for the current occupant of the White House, sheer boredom -- it can be an appealing thought. For me, it is a variation on the "winning the lotto" dream that helps so many cope with the daily grind. That's probably because in either dream you are never made to do unpleasant work, commute to work, or worry about work when you are not at work. I guess it's like being Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt minus the narcissism and paparazzi. But you can have all that too if you prefer -- it's your dream!

For those old enough to be "established" where they now live, there are endless questions. What do things cost? Where would we live? Is it safe? How would you support yourself? What about taxes? What about the kids and the dog -- do they need to get shots? Well, for these and other questions, the magazine International Living provides answers about many countries. Now, where do you want to move?

Eight glasses a day

2005-12-13T06:16:00.000-05:00

You have to drive three hours north and west of New York City to get to one of the jewels in the crown of the City's infrastructure, the Pepacton Reservoir located in the Catskill Mountains. Pepacton supplies NYC with over 25% of its drinking water. The water has always been of exceptionally high quality, but has improved in recent years due to new environmental controls and treatment within its watershed.

A snowy day over the Pepacton

The water flows into this spillway when the reservoir is full

Before I returned to "civilization" and it discontents, I was able to see a bald eagle soar past a nearly full moon in the twilight sky. That alone made the drive worthwhile. Alas, there are humans up here too and so there is conflict arising from our many follies. That is where I come in.

The Crying Game

2005-12-12T08:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Parents,
It's time haul the little ones down to the mall to see Santa. This way you can pay money to have a photo taken of your progeny having a total shit fit after you abondon them to the hairy weirdo in a red outfit. Just don't contemplate the man occupying the "ho, ho, ho" persona. Dude's just trying to augment a meager monthly disability check (Social Security Administration's official diagnosis: carpal tunnel syndrome secondary to pedophilia). Maybe this year little Jacob or Eli or Madison or Brianna will make a poopie -- for Santa!

If this is your first time, it might be helpful to review some of these 43 photos of children losing it on Santa's lap.

I asked for it

2005-12-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

I wanted an exciting life and career full of meaning and accomplishment. Right now that means my life is full of brain-twisting work and high-profile project stress. I worked until 8:30 tonight and will be at my office all weekend. In the midst of this I received an award today. It was given to me at one of our many holiday parties. I wish I could have enjoyed it but I was too stressed about the work I needed to be doing. I stood there and tried to look appropriately of good cheer. It didn't help that I was pissed at the person who gave me the award. Nor did the lingering sinus headache I'd had since Monday morning. As soon as the ceremony was over I escaped to my office, closed the door, and tried to accomplish something before the next inane interupption. Quel friggin' nightmare.

Don't Cook With Your Mouth Open

2005-12-08T07:52:00.000-05:00

I really love cooking shows. Or, I should say, I love really good cooking shows. I would watch the Food Channel every day if it had better shows. Instead there is Emeril Lagasse's version of the Tonight Show complete with lame jokes and a band. I am not one of those people who dislikes Emeril as a person or who looks down on his schtick. Well, maybe I do look down on his schtick. But when I went to Las Vegas to reunite with my buddies I selected his Delmonico steak house at the Venetian for a blowout dinner. The food and wine were excellent.

When I watch a cooking show I want to learn about food and its preparation with minimal distractions. For that reason I prefer Rachel Ray's "30 Minute Meals." I apppreciate that Ray is showing people practical methods to prepare quality meals quickly, even if few people have the skills to make them in 30 minutes. The best part about Ray's show is that the time-limitation theme guarantees that it will be all the about the food. The down-side is that her meals are not particularly interesting or challenging to prepare.

If you want great cooking shows there is still one place you can go -- your local public television station. In contrast to Ray's show there is "Fast Food My Way" by none other than Jacques Pepin. Pepin makes a fabulous variety of cuisine, often using French techniques. When it comes to cooking (and one or two other things) my preference is for French techniques.

When it comes to, say, repelling armed invaders, however, I would rather enlist my current favorite host: Lidia Bastianich. Despite her pleasant veneer, you have no doubt that Lidia runs a very tight kitchen. She also makes the most delicious and visually appealing Italian cuisine! Most of it is pretty simple for those with a little experience in the kitchen. Lidia's kitchen is all about using the best fresh ingredients. I highly recommend her recipes. Bravo Lidia!

It's All About Me

2005-12-07T07:15:00.000-05:00

By now my inquisitive readers may be beside themselves with curiosity about your humble blogger. Adhering to the tenets of limited disclosure but with a heartfelt desire to return you to the same place as yourself, I present:

A reasonable facsimile in terms of deportment, if not actual appearance:

http://www.davesdaily.com/videoclips/122-bestbuycaughtonvideo.htm

Helpful information about how you can have my favorite meal and, more generally, experience the way I procure extra value whenever consuming goods or services:

http://www.m90.org/index.php?id=9526

The "warts and all." I haven't been admitted thus far, but really, how long can my life, such as it is, continue absent an intervention?

http://gorillamask.net/famguycm.shtml

I apologize for any advertisements for services related to sexual gratification that may appear in close proximity to my self-disclosure. Be advised that the ads themselves say nothing about me. It is my apology and sensitivity about the ads that reveals the real me to the real you.

the third man

2005-12-06T08:18:00.000-05:00

My job is occasionally fascinating, sometimes boring, sometimes full of conflict, a little political, and from time to time mentally challenging. Right now it is sapping all my mental energy. I am trying to figure out how dozens of variables fit together while my superiors keep asking me procedural cover-your-ass questions that I don't know the answer to because the questions are mostly about things that aren't important. Mostly. Meanwhile I am fascinated by the technical issues involved, want to explore those issues and then get the job done. I get to do a field inspection at one of the facilities involved next Monday. For that I can't wait. I will try to remember to take my camera so I can document my trip (to the extent that I can) right here for all my avid readers. You won't know what hit you!

nightfly

2005-12-05T07:13:00.000-05:00

It was a friendly old bar in Hell's Kitchen where the whiskey went down smooth and the girls waiting tables until they got discovered made the raw onion and bacon on your burger taste even better. When I finally left, and walked south toward 42nd Street, it was snowing just a little. In the bright night sky you can choose one flake and watch it fly or gently fall.

Just one more download, ok?

2005-12-02T08:22:00.000-05:00

In a media-soaked society that exaggerates and trivializes any subject that can be used to sell ad space, we get an article from the once-prestigious New York Times about "internet addiction disorder." The seriousness with which the NYT itself takes this story is indicated by its inclusion in the "Fashion & Style" section. Hey, let's run it next to a colon surgery ad! If you looked through the NYT in 1978 no doubt you would find an article about "discoteque addiction disorder."

What is truly significant is that this piece is simply a miniaturized version of the NYT's Significant Multipart Front Page Investigation About A Serious Societal Issue ("SMFPIAASSI). Some variation on the SMFPIASSI is rolled out about once a year and contains unbelievable disclosures about, say, the impoverished conditions among downsized corporate middle managers. The subtext is usually that they are getting their just dessert for not voting for Al Gore (or Mike Dukakis or Walter Mondale or...) and, boy, they won't make that mistake again. Too late you poor saps!

In both types of articles -- to add an atmosphere of credibility -- we get a dash of statistics:

These specialists estimate that 6 percent to 10 percent of the approximately 189 million Internet users in this country have a dependency that can be as destructive as alcoholism and drug addiction, and they are rushing to treat it.

Then we get 16 o.z. of meaningless but significant-sounding anecdotes about real people who apparently populate that portion of the country between the coasts:

Dr. Cash's patient Mike, who was granted anonymity to protect his privacy, was at high risk for an Internet addiction, having battled alcohol and drug abuse and depression. On a list of 15 symptoms of Internet addiction used for diagnosis by Internet/Computer Addiction Services, Mike, who is unemployed and living with his mother, checked off 13, including intense cravings for the computer, lying about how much time he spends online, withdrawing from hobbies and social interactions, back pain and weight gain.
Don't such people use any sort of substance, object, person, or activity available to soothe and self-inflict? But, then again, writing about a 24 donut-a-day habit is not really Times material. Besides, you and I don't know about these things because we aren't "experts."

There is at least one inpatient program, at Proctor Hospital in Peoria, Ill., which admits patients to recover from obsessive computer use. Experts there said they see similar signs of withdrawal in those patients as in alcoholics or drug addicts, including profuse sweating, severe anxiety and paranoid symptoms.

Maybe I'm being paranoid but have you ever noticed that reporters never run stories about "experts" hustling and self-promoting to make a buck like everyone else. When an "expert" (finally!!) gets a chance to get paid they start telling people whatever they want to hear. This includes reporters who promise to spell their names correctly and are desperate for quotes for their many dumb stories.

To be fair, the article quotes other "experts" who say this is just a "fad" and trivializes real addictions to stuff like heroin or shopping. But they're probably getting paid to say that, too. Anyway, enough fashion and style, time to put in a few hours on SapphicLovelies.com

But first, let's take the quiz:

FIFTEEN signs of an addiction to using the Internet and computers, according to Internet/Computer Addiction Services in Redmond, Wash., follow:

1. Inability to predict the amount of time spent on computer.
2. Failed attempts to control personal use for an extended period of time.
3. Having a sense of euphoria while on the computer.
4. Craving more computer time.
5. Neglecting family and friends.
6. Feeling restless, irritable and discontent when not on the computer.
7. Lying to employers and family about computer activity.
8. Problems with school or job performance as a result of time spent on the computer.
9. Feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety or depression as a result of time spent on the computer.
10. Changes in sleep patterns.
11. Health problems like carpal tunnel syndrome, eye strain, weight changes, backaches and chronic sleep deprivation.
12. Denying, rationalizing and minimizing adverse consequences stemming from computer use.
13. Withdrawal from real-life hobbies and social interactions.
14. Obsessing about sexual acting out through the use of the Internet.
15. Creation of enhanced personae to find cyberlove or cybersex.

No time but the present

2005-12-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

I have a lot going on at work at the moment and very little time to write or try to make blogspot function properly (arrrghhh!!!). So today I will simply recommend a most fantastic place to share music or other digital pieces of entertainment. And it has a great, easy-to-use search engine. It is limewire.

You have to download the software (the search engine) to use it. I have had it for weeks and have had no problems (no spyware, etc). It was recommended to me by a good friend who is also a computer professional. It is free but each time you open it they offer you the opportunity to pay them for a better, faster version of limewire. I have not done so.

night of the living tourists

2005-11-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

The trees are nearly bare. It gets dark by 5 p.m. I'm becoming pale and the dark circles are forming under my eyes. Time to audition for George Romero's latest zombie flick? No, it's vacation time!

There are so many places we want to go but, of course, we have a limited budget. We want to go to Ireland and Scotland but there is no sense going to such beautiful places when they're gray, too. So that's out until at least until May.

We could go somewhere with guaranteed beachie warmness....

Sarasota, Fla. in late September was suprisingly nice

...which, from my experience, means not Florida from about November to April. Sure, there's a good chance it will be warm. But, for me, those odds are not good enough given how totally pathetic I feel wearing a windbreaker while walking around an American suburb with palm trees across the road from an empty beach. I'd rather be at work. I've been told that the Hyatt Dorado Beach in Puerto Rico is swanky and it will be warm. I'd prefer St. Lucia or St. Barts but regret it when I get the bills.

Another option is Spain with, maybe, a little Portugal. Warmer than home in the Northeast and, since it is winter, nearly half-price but without the crowds. Lots of tourists make me feel like a teenager on a date with a cute girl being driven home by my parents.

I've been to Spain a couple of times but not in many years and I never got off the train in the south when I went to Morocco. I really want to see Sevilla and Granada.

My friend sent me this photo of the Alhambra in Grenada

I want to speak my bad imitation of Catalan Spanish with that cool lisp. Barrrthelooona. Most all I want to eat great ham and olives and cheese and drink luscious, but tannic red wines. I want to stay up late. I bet we could do Spain for less than St. Lucia (factoring in the inevitable deep-tissue massage) and for not much more than the fancy version of Puerto Rico. In Spain I would be deliriously happy wearing a jacket.

waterworld

2005-11-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

Until last week no one in America heard of Harbin, China because it's not in Szechuan or Hunan so they don't have General Tso's chicken or Kung Pao chicken with those spicy little peppers. But now Harbin is world famous for its benzene river and the fact that everyone left town to get away from it. Let's hope Harbin can escape the burdens that come with great fame so that its nine million citizens can return to anonymous and inconsequential lives outside the glare of the Western media's klieg lights.

Yesterday I was appalled to learn that I had not been promptly informed that November 19 was The World Toilet Organization's World Toilet Day.

The purpose of this day is to have people in all countries to take action, to increase awareness of toilet user's right to a better toilet environment, and to demand for it from the toilet owners. As such, it is also the toilet user's duty to contribute towards its maintenance, cleanliness and hygiene.

Wives and mothers everywhere are cheering the latter half of this particular WTO pronouncement about the toilet user's duty. Will the U.N. not act, as well?

I also missed the "World Toilet Expo and Forum" held in that Eastern mecca of junkets, conventions, and sex tours, Bangkok, Thailand. In perhaps the most aptly named city in world history, the Chamber of Commerce is attempting to diversify into other aspects of plumbing:

Bangkok will host the second World Toilet Expo & Forum from 16 to 18 November 2005. With the theme, Happy Toilet, Healthy Life, the event will facilitate Thailand towards the progressive development and standardisation of public toilet service.

If other cities follow the Bangkok model, soon you will be able to give and receive any kind of public toilet service you want, with as many public toilets as you want, for as long as you can handle it, no questions asked. As long as you can afford the $300 per hour.

--Hat tip to http://corner.nationalreview.com/

Blue Bag of Jasper

2005-11-26T23:19:00.000-05:00

I had a cat named Jasper. He was my best friend for more than twelve years. I found him in the street and took him home and fed him but he was so used to being hungry he ate through my roomate's box of cereal and her loaf of bread. She was pissed. No matter how little people thought of me or how little money I had or how little I thought of myself Jasper totally loved me. He'd sleep between my knees and purr. When I met the person who later became my wife he was jealous at first and hunted her like a mouse when I wasn't looking but I told her to let him come to her and climb on her. I showed her how to pet him very softly. She did that all the time and she told him he was a good boy and they fell in love too. After we got married and we came home at night he would come roll on the wood floor in front of the door and twist around on his back and purr.

By then we knew he had feline leukemia and six months after the wedding he got so sick he could barely move and after two weeks of that we asked our vet to put him to sleep. We cried and we told each other that we loved Jasper and that we loved each other.

The vet gave us this blue bag of Jasper.

By the end of January it will be two years since Jasper died and I still have it sitting on a filing cabinet in my office. I don't think it's going anywhere.

When I hold my wife at night I know that I was best friends with Jasper for so long and that I didn't think much about it and it just ended. So now I can't forget that she and I don't get to hold each other forever but all I can do is squeeze tighter until we fall asleep.

The Real Thank You Note

2005-11-26T10:16:00.000-05:00

This interesting WaPo article tells us a little bit about one Adam Replogle, 25, of Wellington, Colo., a man who probably passed on the opportunity to line-up for yesterday's 1 a.m shopping call:

[An] Army sergeant and tank gunner who lost his left hand and the vision in his left eye in a battle in Karbala in 2004, [Replogle] said that he still has ups and downs but that after his experience in Iraq, not much worries him.

"Sometimes it takes people a lifetime to realize what it's all about and what's important and what's not," he said. "And you go through something like this and it grows you up a little bit and makes you realize that stuff a lot earlier in life."

Tragic injury or death totally sucks -- especially when it happens to brave young people fighting for their country. But people who have suffered in battle have a message: it is equally tragic to waste a life of ease, comfort, and endless possibility on small worries, petty grievances, and purchased mind candy. What they don't say, but have every right to, is that we have all these good things because they and their predecessors took the bullet for us. Please enjoy the rest of this holiday weekend -- and don't forget to call your mother.

Have a leering, bourbon-and-soda sort of Christmas

2005-11-25T18:52:00.000-05:00

With the passing of a single Thanksgiving Day, we are now confronted with the comparatively vast Christmas Season. And I do mean Christmas because whatever other perfectly nice holidays might come this time of year, no one seriously thinks people would be doing this because of Hanukkah:

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Orlando police officers were called to break up some fights between shoppers early Friday as Central Floridians flocked to stores for one of the busiest shopping days of the year, according to Local 6 News. Line jumpers at a Best Buy at the Fashion Square Mall apparently started a fight at around 11:30 p.m. Officers responded and there were no arrests. However, one person may be arrested for starting a fight at a Wal-Mart in east Orange County early Friday. Some shoppers waited for as long as seven hours to be the first in the doors for bargains.

Even in a confusing world of fake news, doctored celebrity image, and forty million lame ass commercials -- at this time of year -- before anything else -- my thoughts turn to The Needy.

But after that -- my thoughts turn to one version of one Christmas song that unavoidably will get caught in my head for several weeks while I go about my own brief, irreplaceable life. I figure, if you're going to be stuck with a silly song running through your head no matter what, you should choose it like you would anything else, such as the color and fabric of a new J. Crew sweater or the texture and size of a sex toy from Toys in Babeland. Last year, I selected Robert Goulet singing Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! and it really did the trick. This year, I humbly recommend this song to your internal holiday season soundtrack.

Goulet rumbles and coos at the delightful prospect of some "alone time" with his sweetheart on a snowy winter's eve. Not only is the delivery made more lascivious by the dark mustache, with minimal effort you can even smell the bourbon on his breath. After a third listen you will know with certainty that Goulet's inspiration for this version was a 17 year-old stepdaughter from the second marriage. Most important, this subtle perversion of a season classic is compelling enough to stop that tape of Gene Autry bleating Here Comes Sannee (sic) Claus from running in your head.

Thank You Note

2005-11-25T16:25:00.000-05:00

Dear Two Manhattans and Two Glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon:

Thank you for stimulating my attitude of gratitude yesterday. Let's get together again soon!

Yours truly,

Robey

hair only counts once

2005-11-24T21:54:00.000-05:00

I am alone in an empty room with yellowed paint. No furniture. No objects. A single large window is open but no noise enters from the Manhattan street below. Three minutes ago I was informed that I must throw one object out the window each hour for 24 hours or every sweet child and fuzzy puppy in Iowa, Delaware, and North Carolina will die a slow and painful death. Hair only counts once. The anonymous informant then tossed a large knife in the corner and left before locking the only door.

After confirming that I am on the 12th floor, I realize I am wearing only the thin nylon bathing suit I wore in gym class in the 8th grade. It is binding and chafing sensitive areas. I pause and consider a newly diminished regard for the people of Iowa, Delaware, and North Carolina.